Posts tagged ‘Why not?’

George Bush Has Had A Very Exciting First Year

By shortsshortsshorts, 21 January, 2010, 3 Comments

Your Shorts & Pants has been in existence since February 8, 2009. ALMOST ONE YEAR! There is a reason for this. LET’S GET PERSONAL.

The idea for this “blarg” came about in June of 2008. Your Editor was saying “HMM, IT WOULD BE KINDA COOL TO START A SITE WITH SOME FRIENDS” and various people were like “YAY DOOD,” and thus the process began. There was one little hang-up though— George W. Bush was still our President. There was really nothing interesting to write about as long as that sore remained in office, so we had to wait. That is why the start of this thing began with the Obama administration, as there would be more hilarious moments to write about, instead of all that depressing shit we had to think about for far too long.

Well, now that we can be depressed again, we thought it was time to break out the big guns. We really had no choice, as “chascates” filled the tips box with “Brig “Bollyhood” posts about how great President Bush was. This is why your Editor, for the first time, is going to talk about the courageous and wonderful thing we all refer to as “the Bush legacy.” Chascates is such a jerk for doing this.

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The Answer is “No.”

By shortsshortsshorts, 15 January, 2010, No Comment

Oh Look — it’s Michele Bachmann, and she’s gravitated towards a new objective. She’s going to be President.

Sarah Palin is the most visible with a new book riding the top of the bestseller list and Congresswoman Michele Bachmann is gaining ground as one of the drivers of the “tea party movement.”

Many of you may wonder why we are so obsessed with the Christian Broadcasting Network, and the answer we provide is “duh, people. We must embrace it. They are always correct about everything.”

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Experienced Adulterer Passes Down Wisdom to Tiger Woods

By shortsshortsshorts, 16 December, 2009, 5 Comments

Your ShortsandPants has avoided the gauntlet of bullshit brought down by the ranks of fapping, media-frenzied whores whose ambitions range from $$$ to $$$$$$$$$ surrounding all this Tiger Woods NAUGHTINESS that has suddenly taken him from bright angel to disheveled, manifest demon.

We have no interest in exploiting the non-politico types, because that isn’t our game, right? Our game is to trash Republicans for tragically endeavoring to harp on the first piece of boy-flesh they can get their hands on, among others — but we thought now is the time to bring this to you.

We have been avoiding the 11 GAZILLION tips about various aspects of Tiger Woods’ extra-marital affairs with the resilience of Michael J. Fox’s limbs to his failed commands, but it is time, readers. Rudy Guiliani — better known as “9/11 9/11 9/11″ has thrown his wee-little hat into the ring regarding Tiger Woods’ recent “troubles,” which is about the equivalent of reformed Sex Addicts Anonymous members promoting the use of provocativeness in condom commercials — literally tons of naked women swamping the Tee Vee screen. WHATEVER. It is happening, right now.

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We Bought Another Website For You People

By shortsshortsshorts, 3 December, 2009, 5 Comments

OopsYour ShortsandPants is now the proud participant in a thing. This is not your “average” thing, as it involves an inside joke brought to us by a man named “Nato.”

You may remember Nato from a post about how we are all going to die due to particle accelerators, but we asure you he is solid. This experiment involves two elements. One of these elements involves sharing your worst nightmare on the Internet (i.e. This, This or This), and the other involves us taking it and making use of the damn thing. Your ShortsandPants is now the proud owner of the fantastic website, Cocksuckingasshole.com. This will create a lot of “that is not appropriate” speak, but we observe this importance over its non-appropriateness. Therefore, we present the brand new thing where everyone is an admin. All you have to do is type in a cocksucking asshole and CLIQUE ON THE BUTTONS.

The hope is to have a constant outrage of TeaBagger sites, Wingnut bullshit, and other semi-relating things that are ridiculous. The point is — anybody can change it at any time. The site will redirect to the cocksucker of your choice. That is what we call — freedumb.

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News Involving Shoes: The Comeuppance Edition!

By Dana, 2 December, 2009, 2 Comments

Remember that Iraqi journalist who threw his shoe at America’s prettiest president, George W. Bush?  Well, in an earth shattering moment of irony, some other guy threw a shoe at the original shoe-throwing guy!  So, for those of you who were waiting for that to happen, it did.  And the world just keeps on spinning.

Here’s the video, from the BBC.

And this one, from AP:

Oh Hell— Why Not?

By shortsshortsshorts, 25 November, 2009, 1 Comment

SOMEBODY nominated your ShortsandPants for two remaining categories in the “Weblog Award” thing. These two categories are Best Military/GUN Blog and Best Gossip Blog. Well, we are a horde of greedy bastards, so we WANT NOMINATIONS IN THOSE CATEGORIES, TOO! I mean— why not? After all, your ShortsandPants discusses the military often enough, right? So HELP A BROTHA’ OUT and get us into these two things, as that would be comedic justice for all.

Honestly— do you want some war-mongering douche bag to win “Best Military/Gun Blog?” We think this is a necessary request. The next post will be about gossip and guns— just to make sure we fit into the correct categories.

MIKE HUCKABEE TO SAVE US ALL

By shortsshortsshorts, 9 November, 2009, 5 Comments

Nevermind the whore next to this post. This is the moment every American has waited for. You Euros who read the site (Analytics says it’s about half of you bastards) have no opinion over this stage of events. You do not understand the impact of Mike Huckabee, because he is very serious. But not only is he serious about being serious— he’s really fucking serious. We are very lucky in our altruistic agrarian Nation to have such a lad as Mike Huckabee running all over the fucking place gnashing his teeth and gritting at useless opportunities that only bring the apocalypse to the rest of us useless bastards. So he should probably run for President again— because of… Politico?

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ShortsandPants: Travel Edition

By shortsshortsshorts, 6 November, 2009, 4 Comments

You ShortsandPants simply loves to travel. Where will our adventures take us today? Shall we go back to Bhuttan? Maybe we could go to Europe? No no, that isn’t good enough. Today we must explore the fabulous land of mystery that surrounds Somalia!

Somalia is a very exciting place that is governed under the Rule of Nothing. There are two elements to the judiciary in fact. To the North is the heathen “Godless” part, and to the south, including the BIG CITY of Mogadishu, is a wonderful Islamic Rule of Thumb that governs in a very fair and balanced way. In fact, Somalia is a lot like what the United States would have become if Ronald Reagan were still in office.

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Los Angeles Does Its Very Best to Encourage Paranoia

By shortsshortsshorts, 26 October, 2009, 4 Comments

What you will watch above is possibly one of the creepiest things that has ever been placed before the eyes of a grueling and desperate populace. In it, Los Angeles County endeavors to turn man-against-man with a surveillance effort unmatched by any known civilization since the Soviet Union decided to fall in 1989. This is an insane mantra with an ongoing theme— WATCH YOUR NEIGHBORS. The program is titled “iwatch,” as in a place to encourage citizens to freak out at any particularly unusual behavior that may or may not be happening in their own towns. It is absolutely incredulous and terrible. Now we can all watch each other and hope to be a part of the solution— that being turning in the woman a few doors down that makes you jealous and uncomfortable inside. Call her in! She’s a fucking terrorist!

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Stunning Business Seminars

By shortsshortsshorts, 21 October, 2009, 3 Comments

October 26, 2009— it may seem like a normal day to you. You wake up, walk your albino dragon, eat a hearty agrarian breakfast and shower under a crown of thorns. Yes— just another day. You have no idea that somewhere in this Nation a band of fools is coming together to poison the minds of the innocent, with “business talk.” You must understand, this is not “business talk” between average Joes. This is the cream of the crop of utter failure, with George W. Bush at the helm. This is the GET MOTIVATED BUSINESS SEMINAR in Fort Worth, and it is all sorts of bad.

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Pat Buchanan Wishes America Was White Again

By shortsshortsshorts, 20 October, 2009, 4 Comments

America’s Favorite Bigot played for the home team today with a wonderful piece in World Net Daily discussing the death of “traditional values,” or “white people” in Buchanan Speak. Not only, however, did he reinvigorate the tired masses yearning to be free, but he invoked the OATH KEEPERS! Yes, he believes they are just what society needs.

And if the Pelosi-Reid progressives went postal over town hall protesters, calling them “un-American,” “Nazis” and “evil-mongers,” one can imagine what they will do with the Oath Keepers.

What will progressives do to the “Oath Keepers?” Sodomize them! Isn’t that all progressives talk about?

So get out there and start spreading the word! Tonight we sodomize. But that’s not all Buchanan said — he also brought up fresh, new ideas!

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This is Our Thousandth Post

By shortsshortsshorts, 14 October, 2009, 3 Comments

CELEBRATE WITH US! It has only been since mid-February of this year and ALREADY your Editor, with the help of many “friends” and “Internet People” has come up with this— your ShortsandPants Thousandth Post Commemorative Issue. IT IS MORE SPECIAL THAN ANY OTHER POST! Do you know why? NUMBERS, of course! So we will celebrate this holy and fateful post with everybody’s favorite bummer— Afghanistan!

First— a brief history of Afghanistan.

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