Posts tagged ‘The Republican Party Is A Racketeer Criminal Conspiracy’

Finally— An Article From CBN That Makes Your Shorts & Pants Seem Well Written

By shortsshortsshorts, 26 March, 2010, No Comment

Do you see the angry Christian to the left? Yes— he was one angry Christian.

Apparently there are a number of angry Christians. They are so very angry that it appears the ability to write things has just gone out the window. Dear God— they know not what they do. Therefore we mustn’t blame them for the following, repetitive, grammatical mistakes.

It would be one thing to just talk about what was tipped to us, but that’s not even possible when you consider the following. The great James Delingpolem shall explain:

“I’ve seen America’s future because what is happening in America now has been happening in Britain for at least the last 12 years,” Delingpolem said. “I’ve seen my country pretty much ruined by what is essentially a socialist administration, presented by this plausible likable guy (former Prime Minister Tony Blair).

Your humble Editor has never been a fan of the “Christian Broadcasting Network.” After all, any place that Pat Robertson resides is allegedly steeped in hell-fire. Therefore it brings us great joy to talk about a horrible PLANT. Yes, dear readers, a PLANT. It is a PLANT by Britain to watch citizens closely and all of that (or is it? ONLY CBN KNOWS!)

Senator Jim Demint Enjoys Lying Unabashedly On Major News Outlets

By shortsshortsshorts, 5 January, 2010, No Comment

If you look at the photo to the left, you will see one of America’s Most Beloved Bullshitters. Yes — Jim Demint is a real catch, ladies and gentlemen. While we typically avoid covering anything that nears the caliber of noble that Demint represents, we thought today would be a wonderful chance to address this amazing beast of lies.

So the man goes on CNN and actually has the chutzpa to claim that Obama has NEVER EVER said the word terrorism, as it is probably our President’s prerogative that all United States citizens die a horrible, tragic, and therefore fulfilling death for our Muslim, Kenyan, Hawaiian-born, Chicagoan world leader.

Quote of the Day

By shortsshortsshorts, 24 November, 2009, No Comment

As we all are aware, John Ensign is in lots of trouble for paying off (his PARENTS paid them off) a family known as “the Hamptons” after their very strange loving sex-ca-pade that nearly (and probably will) cost Ensign his sexy Nevada Senator position. Now he’s in more hot water as Doug Hampton, a former top aide to Ensign and husband to Ensign’s former mistress, came out and bashed Ensign’s head, covered him in lighter fluid, and set him on fire. Nevermind all this, however. Your ShortsandPants has a different take on all of this — from the most ironic quote ever found related to this issue. Take it away, Politico!

Ensign has denied any wrongdoing during the nine-month affair with Cindy Hampton, which lasted from December 2007 to August 2008.

That is all.

Dykes, Tomaytos and Tomahtos

By shortsshortsshorts, 18 November, 2009, 1 Comment


From Brendan M.: “It is mostly a bunch of closet-case, right-wing Evangelical Christianists (Republicans) talking about how much they “love” queers and want to kill and oppress them, out of said love, and just hardcore begging to be arrested for it. Their whole argument against hate-crimes legislation is that it will curtail free religious speech, so this whole rally actually disproves everything they’ve been saying. Assholes.

One of the highlights is this “cured” lesbian citing Luke 13:13: “And he laid his hands on her: and immediately she was made straight, and glorified God.” This is actually about a crippled lady being healed, but, you know, cripple, dyke, tomayto, tomahto.”

Sounds like a REAL BARN BURNER.

GOP Website— Finally Operational— Only $1.4 Million to Build!

By shortsshortsshorts, 27 October, 2009, 2 Comments

Websites are typically cheap to build and operate— even the most premium of web developers charges $150-$300/ hour to get a fancy site up and running. Take your ShortsandPants, for instance. It was designed by human hamsters for free, but at least we got the thing up and running— unlike the GOP. Their website was $1.4 MILLION, and the thing barely functioned from the very beginning. Here is your Editor’s favorite part of the broken site:

And when the GOP’s graphics-laden product was unveiled, many of the main sections appeared missing or broken, including one advertised as listing future party leaders, which showed up blank.

CONGRATULATIONS, future GOP leaders!

Joe Wilson is a Number of Things

By shortsshortsshorts, 10 September, 2009, 3 Comments

HEY EVERYONE! Joe Wilson is being called a few things, and that’s not FAIR! Just because he called the President to say “YOU LIE” everyday for 6 months, we must share the following website with you. It’s called joewilsonisyourpreexistingcondition.com. You should have a look! Here are a few examples:

Taser of Wisdom: “Odds & Ends” Edition

By Sparky Satori, 1 September, 2009, 5 Comments

Dead Kennedys - NEVER Too Drunk To Fuck!Too many thoughts in too few days. So much that merits an observation or two, so hard to distill into few mere words.

 The Kennedy era has ended. There may be other, lower-profile Kennedys in politics for the foreseeable future, but the dynasty with which we grew up is no more. Your humble scribe was old enough to understand the dynasty’s appeal when it began, and has lived to see it end. What a panorama.

This post will be about “us” more than “them,” but there is so much noteworthy about “them” that bears mention.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, your humble scribe has heard it all before, and then some:

John Kennedy was a hopeless shagaholic who nailed broads left and right and center. Via dad Joe Sr., John was mobbed up. He was too limp-wristedly liberal to be an effective Commander in Chief in threatening times. He tolerated, by turning a benignly blind eye, cronyism and corruption. He was soft on Communism and caved in to “special interests,” prepared to let blacks cast more than three-fifths of a ballot. Pinko scumbag.Tonigh, Angie Or Marilyn? Man, Tough Call!

Bobby was a petulant little prick who worked for Joe McCarthy, used people to get ahead in politics and was a craven opportunist. He was also a shagaholic of some renown and would cut any deal with any devil to further his own aims. Commie appeaser, shrinking violet on Viet Nam, friendly with darkies and other assorted swarthies. Pinko scumbag.

Teddy was expelled from Harvard for having somebody else write his tests for him, in his name. He was responsible for the death of Mary Jo Kopechne in 1969. A liquor-pig, Teddy was a serial shagaholic, as were his father and brothers. His only serious Presidential campaign was against sitting Democratic President Jimmy Carter, leading to a party split exploited by the GOP to elect Ronald Fuckin’ Reagan. He was the least gifted, and least threatening, of the three brothers. Pinko scumbag.

But there is another side.