Posts tagged ‘Sarah Palin’

Sarah Palin: Filthy, Unapologetic Communist

By shortsshortsshorts, 8 March, 2010, 3 Comments

Finally — the tidbit of information we had waited for. It appears that America’s Most Horrible Person is actually a pinko bastard sent to subvert our glorious Nation and bring it to ruin. Will we let her get away with it?

I remember my brother, he burned his ankle in some little kid accident thing and my parents had to put him on a train and rush him over to Whitehorse and I think, isn’t that kind of ironic now. Zooming over the border, getting health care from Canada.

Why would she do that? She should have told her brother to lift himself up by the bootstraps and just hustle on. Screw him. Any relative of Sarah Palin should know that Universal Health Care is a terrible idea, and yet here she is being a proponent of it? Joe the Plumber would be so pissed right now, if he wasn’t…well…stupid.

So how long has this Sarah Palin person been a filthy Communist? We are searching… okay got it.

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The Dream Team

By shortsshortsshorts, 21 January, 2010, 3 Comments

HILARIOUS SCENARIO IN PHOTO TO THE LEFT.

Right. So here’s the SCOOP. Palin is making sweet love to Michele Bachmann, people. She is planning on campaigning for Bachmann’s latest attempt to do whatever it is that she does in Congress. DOES THIS MEAN THEY WILL RUN TOGETHER IN 2012? No, probably not, as most Americans are not exactly akin to the idea of Sarah becoming our Gracious Overlord (you big meanies). But OH! OH THE POSSIBILITIES!

Announcing Palin’s scheduled appearance, Bachmann said in statement that “there is absolutely no one more in tune with the hearts and minds of everyday Americans than Governor Palin, and I’m excited to welcome her back to our beautiful state this spring,”

This is important to note, as Sarah Palin and Michele Bachmann wish to make babies together, with the “test tubes” these liberals keep talking about. We will keep you informed of any new developments. As the Nation knows, we love Michele Bachmann and get a proverbial boner whenever Sarah comes to town.

BREAKING: AMERICANS NOT AS INSANE AS PREVIOUSLY THOUGHT

By shortsshortsshorts, 19 January, 2010, 3 Comments

Hello, dear readers. Your Editor was somewhere away from the “computer” and “Internet” for a period of time, but luckily we have returned. Hey, California people— how about this rain? HEEENNGHHH??

Anyhoo, look at the neat poll! WE ARE SANE AGAIN. 70% of our great Nation doesn’t want Sarah Palin to run for President. This is, well, FANTASTIC NEWS. While some of us have been sitting back in our cheers awaiting the apocalypse, it appears we can set the doomsday clock back a few minutes knowing what we do now.

When the results are split out by party, 56 percent of Republicans say they do not want her to seek the office and 30 percent do. Meanwhile, 88 percent of Democrats do not want her to run. Among independents, 65 percent do not want her to run and 25 percent do.

HOPE FOR AMERICA.

Sarah Palin Does Not Rule Out 2012 Bid

By shortsshortsshorts, 15 January, 2010, 2 Comments

This post will be written entirely in Sarah Palin dialect.
“Hey guys! Guess what! I AM A FILTHY WHORE. I WANT PENISES INSIDE OF MY BODY ALL OF THE TIME.

Ha ha, just kidding:

I’m not closing the doors and that is great because I said I would work for FOX News but not so I can use them as a mouth piece for my 2012 Presidential bid which gives me a greater advantage over mean ‘ol Barack Obama Alaska and Russia and all of them!”

Right, Sarah. Here’s what she actually said (it isn’t far off):

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Sarah Palin Is Aware Of Any and All Things Any and All of the Time, Forever

By shortsshortsshorts, 14 January, 2010, 2 Comments

We don’t know how Sarah Palin finds the time to read any and all newspapers and then turn around and know any and all of our Nation’s Founding Fathers, but it is true. If you see the video, above, please note that as we may talk about Sarah negatively sometimes, it is only because of our intellectual inferiority. Thank you.

We Are Surrounded by Idiots

By shortsshortsshorts, 13 January, 2010, 2 Comments

HAPPY WEDNESDAY. Let’s get right to it. Glenn Beck is claiming that the Great Depression was actually in 1948, that Obama is like Hugo Chavez, and that in addition our POTUS wants to be a “slave master.”

If that’s not enough crazy to satisfy your Wednesday regimen, how about Sarah Palin believing that Iraq was responsible for 9/11 all the way up until her Vice-Presidential bid. Yes — retards are afoot. We just thought you should know.

VIDEO COMPILATION!!!11!!!!!:

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Sarah Palin: American Genius

By shortsshortsshorts, 8 January, 2010, 3 Comments

Earth’s Most Patriotic Gun Blog would like to ask you a question, dear reader. So many of you look at Sarah Palin in a negative light, and we are sick of it. STOP IT. Sarah is wonderful, isn’t she?

Haha that is not the question. The real question is — Why is Sarah Palin the gift that keeps on giving?

We know the holidays are over and all. Most of us American folk have returned to the daily grind of desperately seeking scraps from the rich and reused canned items while clinging to flaming barrels in this boisterous winter cold, but at least there is one human being who continues to provide hope for us all. Thank you, Sarah.

It turns out that during the Vice-Presidential debate last year, Sarah asked Joe Biden “can I call you Joe?” not out of some strange political act of looking personal, but because she didn’t even know his last fucking name. Good form, Sarah.

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Pay All Of Your Money To See A Flapping Mouth Bullshit You

By shortsshortsshorts, 7 January, 2010, 2 Comments

Get ready for the opportunity of a LIFETIME. Yes, you are in for a treat! Sarah Palin is coming to town, and she’s bringing an arsenal of “grass roots” political support with her. By grass roots, of course, we mean “$349 Grass Roots.”

“$349 you say.” Yes, reader. “For what?” To watch her speak, of course!

This morning, I asked whether Sarah Palin’s decision to speak at the Tea Party National Convention — while eschewing the much higher-profile Conservative Political Action Conference — had anything to with money. Conservative blogger Dan Riehl is reporting, based on “forwarded communications,” that Palin is making at least $75,000 and at most $100,000 for her speech. Tickets for the speech alone are going for $349

This is all alright, you see, as the $349 isn’t going to the GUBERMINT, but rather to a woman who ruined McCain’s chances of being elected, had a ghost writer, and was Governor for 18 months. Yes, it is clear. A gift from heaven comes to man.

Luckily you don’t just get the chance to watch Sarah Palin annoy you with things that make no sense, you get DINNER out of the whole thing. Do you like Roasted Wolf? How about Fillet of Polar Bear?

To anybody who plans to attend this Convention, please continue throwing money away. Thank you.

Alpha Bravo Charlie

By AustinJunkie, 14 December, 2009, No Comment

Oh, Wilbur!It’s the holiday season and change is in the air. First fall becomes winter, then a new decade begins. But far more momentous change is rockin’ ABC News, where Diane Sawyer will assume the soapbox previously manned by smug horse’s ass Charlie Gibson. Starting December 21st Sawyer will take over the nightly broadcast to really old people who don’t have cable otherwise known as ABC’s World News.

Sawyer pretended to be “gobsmacked” by the news of Gibson’s departure. As if she hasn’t been lusting after the job for years. And never mind why Diane used UK slang to describe her reaction. She was born in Glasgow after all…Glasgow, Kentucky.

As anyone who suffered through Gibson’s sanctimonious, if revealing, interview with Sarah Palin last year could tell you, the writing’s been on the wall for some time for Charlie. He’s old school — as in boring as hell and not sufficiently enamored of the turn toward celebrity-dominated news. Hell, he wasn’t even sure how much attention to give to Tiger Woods’ serial screwing of trashy barflies last week! TWENTY-TWO FUCKING MINUTES, CHARLIE! TWENTY-TWO FUCKING MINUTES!

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Sarah Palin Addresses Her Followers: “I Am Full Of Shit. Do Not Listen To Me”

By shortsshortsshorts, 10 December, 2009, No Comment

Guess who is all over the news touting her hate for “climategating” scientists and their (not) falsified data? WHY, SARAH PALIN OF COURSE. First— we need a little background.

Sarah Palin has been masquerading herself in various ways— such as here and here, trying to push the FACTS. As Palin cannot claim to be an expert on anything but child-bearing, it seems a bit odd that barbie is now interjecting into the climate change debate.

We cannot blame her for trying to form an opinion, however. Sarah Palin is so very smart. The problem arises with her memory loss.

LET’S SPIN THE MEMORY WHEEL:

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HEADLINE OF THE WEEK

By shortsshortsshorts, 8 December, 2009, No Comment

Sometimes we get some real humdingers.

Post-Abortion Pain May be Driving Attacks on Pro-Life Stalwart Sarah Palin


YES! That is what it is! Thank you, Life News.

In a nation that has lost more than 50 million children to abortion, we have millions of women who have these repressed feelings. Many have suffered silently from these negative consequences since their abortion.

You see, Sarah Palin is a result of millions of women’s repressed feelings. May the facts be known. LifeNews suggests that failure begets hate upon the white-washed innocence of the Palin— who incidentally isn’t much of a pro-life hawk herself— BUT WHATEVER.

Set Your Ambitions On “Awesome”

By shortsshortsshorts, 8 December, 2009, 2 Comments

Chascates sends word: “The return of the Bull Moose Party!”

Yes, Sarah Palin is rallying the base, folks. This is but a miracle of the Lord that such grace befalls our sinful humanity. Sarah Palin, while throwing out tidbits of lard about Mike Huckabee, *hinted* at her 2012 Presidential Run. While we are all aware of this amazing possibility— today we have new developments:

Pressed on her political ambitions, the 2008 Republican vice presidential nominee would not rule out a third party run at the White House in 2012.

Could it be? Are the stars aligning for a break-off bid in ‘12? ARE YOU LISTENING? Hey liberal people— YOU ARE GOING DOWN. As it is clear, with Palin splitting the Conservative base into various unrecognizable giblets, there is obviously victory to be had. Celebrate with your families this evening.

Sundays With Sarah

By shortsshortsshorts, 6 December, 2009, 2 Comments

It’s that time of the week again— our favorite time. Chascates has sent us a few updates which you may or may not find relevant, but that’s okay! Sarah Palin is irrelevant herself, according to John McCain, so this should be of no consequence to any of us. We rip the quote that we’ve all been waiting to hear, just because today is the sabbath:

“I am entertained every time I see these people attack her and attack her and attack her. She’s irrelevant, but they continue to attack her. I am so proud of her and the work that she is doing,” McCain said.

MAVERICK!

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Sarah Palin: “Go Back To France — You Usurping Son Of a Bitch”

By shortsshortsshorts, 3 December, 2009, 1 Comment

Sarah Palin is going to the Mall of America in Minnesota! Are you excited? You should be! That is — if you speak “The English.”

Officials at the Minnesota mega-mall this week told reporters planning to cover the Minneapolis-area stop on Palin’s Going Rogue book tour they must address the 2008 GOP vice presidential candidate who resigned as governor last summer by her old title — a common honor, actually, which normally is accorded to former governors.

But the mall also was banning foreign reporters, [permitting] “only English speaking press.” That’s not a common requirement.

Stay out, Frenchy! We don’t call it the “Mall of America” for nothing.

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Chris Matthews Makes Dumb Comment— Entire World Takes Him out of Context and Attacks Him

By shortsshortsshorts, 2 December, 2009, 1 Comment

Chris Matthews is an idiot. He has moments of utter clarity, but we still stand by that statement. Chris Matthews=Idiot. He is currently being attacked by America’s Favorite Wingnut (K-Lo), who would probably wish nothing more than to see our President curbed. BUT THAT”S NOT ALL. Even Media Matters is in agreement.

Your ShortsandPants disagrees. Everyone in the world is just being pissy about him saying West Point was an “enemy camp.” Not only did Chris say it in passing— he was talking about it being a POLITICAL enemy— not a fucking physical force to be reckoned with. God dammit, Media Matters— how could you take the bait on this one? And if any of you morons think Matthews didn’t have a reason to say that— go to this link and shut up. ENOUGH OF THIS BUSINESS.

UPDATE: Wonkette Commenter “queeraselves” has said something on this subject that is worth bringing over here.

“Y’all are missing the most important question of the day: what does K-Lo think of Meghan’s bodacious tatas?”

The Sky Is Blue

By AustinJunkie, 1 December, 2009, No Comment

Do you ever wonder if Sarah Palin is popular among Republicans? How about if Sarah Palin is popular among people who watch Glenn Beck and listen to Rush Limbaugh? Do you ever wonder if Sarah Palin is disliked by independents? You know, people who aren’t fringe whacko fundamentalist Christian nutburgers?Pongo says what?

Me neither. But the Washington Post, ever clueless about the land beyond the DC Beltway, does wonder about these things that primates from baboons on up figured out long ago.

Yes Sarah Palin is popular among Republicans, and (gasp) even more popular among Beck and Limbaugh fans. “The former Alaska governor appeals strongly to the “very conservative,” to regular churchgoers and to white evangelical Protestants,” while independents despise Palin and think she’s “out of touch with normal people.”

We don’t know how much money the Post burned through to reach these startling conclusions, but we do know they keep a stable full of dead horses and every now again, like today for example, they take one out and give it the beating of a fucking lifetime.

“Leftist Elites” From “Leftifornia” Continue “Leftisizing” “Leftuania”

By shortsshortsshorts, 30 November, 2009, 2 Comments

Nevermind the picture of John McCain saying “GRRR” to the left of these words— the point is that angry Republicans exist, and they have a million new ways of describing Liberals.

In a well-crafted bit of word play, failed Director John Nolte pens his finest screed for ShortsandPants’ secret lover, Big Hollywood.

John Nolte is a real intellectual here, people. He directed “BEAUTIFUL LOSER,” which is something Nolte is not. We would call him “UGLIEST WINNER,” but that wouldn’t befall him properly either.

You see, John broke out his Thesaurus and searched for “Liberal” the other day, and this makes us glad. He took his findings and presented them in the future-blockbuster-film-producing blog post— Leftist Elites Trash Sarah Palin For…Being Kind.

Here is the thing John is talking about:

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Sarah Palin Does Not Know How to Read— Which is Why She Should Run For President

By shortsshortsshorts, 24 November, 2009, 3 Comments

It’s Margaret and Tucker Carlson! Tucker, the network Nomad who cant seem to hold a job, or “black sheep” pundit if you will — goes off about how Sarah Palin is about as “smart” as “Al Gore.” Granted, everybody in this video agrees that Barack Obama is a knuckle-dragging retard, but Margaret explains it best.

“Sarah Palin doesn’t know how to read. You see, I had to read the paper this morning. Sarah Palin doesn’t do that. She does not read anything — not books or newspapers — but NOTHING. She just kinda THROWS THINGS OUT THERE, and therefore she is incredibly smart. Sing praises to her.”

While this may not equate to anything more then “two crappy pundits lying,” it is still noteworthy that Obama is a raging retard in these people’s minds, while Sarah Palin — while illiterate — is clearly the leader our Nation desires.

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