Yes, friends— we have received a number of tips regarding everybody’s favorite Republican National Committee Chairman, and they do not look so good. Unfortunately (and we hate to say it), Michael Steele is in a bit of a quandary. When he asked for a private jet, the answer was “no.” How could the answer be no? MICHAEL STEELE NEEDS A JET. Instead, he was given the opportunity to attend “voyeur sexy nightclubs” in Los Angeles, where apparently “bondage” is a wonderful theme embraced by all. Well done, Michael.
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ShortsandPants
Gore-Tex Quality for Political Audacity
Posts tagged ‘Republican Buttsecks’
Michael Steele Demands Jet: RNC Cannot Provide Said Jet Because They Have Absolutely No Money: Michael Steele Asks For Bondage Night-Club Party In Response— RNC Agrees
Why The Hell Is Everybody Being So God Damn Racist All Of a Sudden?
Yet ANOTHER person is bringing up some sort of crisis and equating it to skin color. This time? Rush Limbaugh. BUT OF COURSE. On his little “radio program” on the “Excellence In Broadcasting Network” he made a compelling argument against humanitarian aide in Darfur. What could possibly be said about Darfur? IT IS A DEMOCRATIC AGENDA TO WIN ELECTIONS.
Is nothing safe from partisan horse shit? The answer is a resounding “no.”
On the August 21 broadcast of the nationally syndicated Rush Limbaugh Show, a caller said to host Rush Limbaugh: “I know I’m no expert in foreign affairs, but what really confuses me about the liberals is the hypocrisy when they talk about how we have no reason to be in Iraq and helping those people, but yet everybody wants us to go to Darfur.” Limbaugh responded by claiming Democrats “want to get us out of Iraq, but they can’t wait to get us into Darfur.” He continued: “There are two reasons. What color is the skin of the people in Darfur? It’s black. And who do the Democrats really need to keep voting for them? If they lose a significant percentage of this voting bloc, they’re in trouble.” The caller responded, “The black population,” to which Limbaugh said, “Right.”
We must allow and permit all forms of genocide in our world, as not to would be part of a ploy to win elections. This is undeniable logic and we will accept no argument to the contrary. If you disagree with this, it is only because you are mounting a campaign bid. Whores, the lot of us.
Your Essential “War On Christmas” Watch List
“StandforChristmas.com” has compiled a list of retailers who aren’t Jesus enough for your sweet Holiday money-dollars. They have posted this, on the Internet. Yes— that is where it is.
As most of us Americans are fully engaged in this meaningless agenda, we encourage all of you to check out percentages, such as this!
“ Retailer Friendly Negligent Offensive
American Eagle Outfitters 27% 9% 64%”
While these numbers come from some unknown source and are patent bullshit— it is still important to share. No work from the War on Hanukkah people yet but are sure they’re around— somewhere.
And Osama Got Away…
Donald Rumsfeld, a man we all remember with great admiration, did his very best to catch this “Osama” figure in 2001. That is what he did. NO QUESTIONS.
Apparently the liberals in the “Senate” have endeavored to refute this truth. They are releasing “reports” that Osama was allowed to escape because the United States in its infinite message of war decided not to bomb something for one reason or another — Tora Bora.
“Osama bin Laden’s demise would not have erased the worldwide threat from extremists,” it concludes. “But the failure to kill or capture him has allowed Bin Laden to exert a malign influence over events in the region.”
Oh whatever, Democratically-controlled Senate. Everyone knows that Osama is 800 feet tall and continues to be immune to nuclear attack — so we should probably just give up on capturing him and focus on the real issues, such as bombing the hell out of the country he wasn’t in.
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Grumpy Old Politician Refuses to Assert His Opinion— is Somehow Still Politician
Politicians love to make their voices heard— everywhere. They are whores, obviously. But what many of us are unaware of remains the fact that REFUSING to give an opinion, as Senator James Inhofe has recently decided to do in the ridiculously named “Environment and Public Works Committee” hearings, you would see why Oklahoma people love him oh so much!
Basically the guy showed up, sat down in a chair with a little notepad, and made satirical drawings of Arlen Specter for a few hours. THEN, when he was called out and asked his opinion, he said “NO NO NO, I AM TAKING MY FOOTBALL AND GOING HOME.” This will be met with praise by Conservative media outlets everywhere, for no good reason at all, but still:
GOP Website— Finally Operational— Only $1.4 Million to Build!
Websites are typically cheap to build and operate— even the most premium of web developers charges $150-$300/ hour to get a fancy site up and running. Take your ShortsandPants, for instance. It was designed by human hamsters for free, but at least we got the thing up and running— unlike the GOP. Their website was $1.4 MILLION, and the thing barely functioned from the very beginning. Here is your Editor’s favorite part of the broken site:
And when the GOP’s graphics-laden product was unveiled, many of the main sections appeared missing or broken, including one advertised as listing future party leaders, which showed up blank.
CONGRATULATIONS, future GOP leaders!
A Historic Treasury of America’s Gayest Political Advertisements
Hey there, America! Thanks for all your help and all from out here in the Golden State. We sure love how you right-wing bastards trash California as if its worse than Sodom, and then throw all of your money at Conservative causes as if there is nothing else to do with life. No really! We appreciate it! Just look what happened with Proposition 8. Hundreds of terrible ads were played all over our State depicting gay marriage as being the same as child molestation and other effective New Media concepts. This post is devoted to the Gayest Ads to Ever Come to California, or “GAE,” for short. Surprisingly these ads came from the opponents of gay marriage. Who knew?
Questionable Journalism
There is nothing more refreshing then unsubstatiated claims from unreliable sources to start your day off right— and Anne Leary, the writer for “Backyard Conservative” understands this. It is, after all, a stunningly accurate news source that contains headlines such as Will Obama Deny Bill Ayers’ Accusation? and Palin is Tweaking You, Lefties. Clearly there is absolutely no reason for somebody like “Anne Leary” to fudge a conversation with Bill Ayers that she had in some lonely airport in D.C. where Bill Ayers allegedly claimed he wrote “Dreams From My Father,” a terrible book written by our Socialist President.
This woman’s lies are gathering tread, of course, as they are now ruining the minds of the many in such places as HotAir and Lucianne— two of the most reliable websites known to mankind.
Here is how the tip came to us, from David.
Chuck Norris is Literate— Barely
Chuck Norris is one mad mother *shut ‘yo mouth*. It is getting more apparent by the hour that he plans a run for Texas governor, as evidenced by his latest MASTERPIECE on the “World Net Daily” website, which is wholly and utterly influenced by “ol’ Buckley” and Ronald Reagan, from space. But how will Chuck pander to his future constituents today? Who would have guessed— illegal immigration.
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Known Adulterer Newt Gingrich Starts Exciting New PAC
Everyone knows that Newt Gingrich enjoys sexing it up with the ladies while going after people that are more powerful than himself, but did you know that he wants to start sexing up the religious ladies now, too? It’s true. That is probably the only reason he started an EXCITING NEW P.A.C. last month. Go get ‘em, Tiger!
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American Heroes Deserve their Proper Treatment
This is just a short post inviting folks to join in on the commenting going on over here, as it is insane. The editor has enjoyed trolling over there for a while. Stop on by and sit down! We’ll start the coffee for you.
Joe the ________ Becomes Joe the Plaintiff
Well here we go! Joe the Plumber is incredibly ANGRY about taxes. He hates taxes so much that he filed a suit against “three former state officials in Ohio, saying they violated his privacy when they gathered his personal information in a records search.”
To his credit, the media can be blamed for keeping him in the limelight on this one, as he is simply doing his American duty of not paying taxes and then suing others for questioning why he is not paying said taxes. It is BRILLIANT:
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Drunken, Drugged up Ramblings of Rush Limbaugh Deserve Meritless Citing
In the event that anyone out there on the cybernets watched the entirety of Rush Limbaugh’s speech to the CPAC, which for some reason has received little to no notoriety as a public origination since Sonny and Cher, you probably saw the hilarity ensue, and it had to come with a bit of comfort. Here you are watching some hack who worships the man who made Limbaugh’s career in 1988 (Hint: Fawn Fold Pagen), desperately mouth-fornicate with those who believe that Clinton is to blame for ALL AND/OR ANY ECONOMIC HARDSHIP, without being able to decipher or pretend to understand what the drugs are saying through him. It does not make sense. That is why his speech has been summarized here, in his own words, for clarity:
Conservative T-Shirt Website is Hilarious and Offensive
Do you like typing comments on places like “AOL” or “Redstate” in ALL CAPS!11!!!@? Are you a fan of “LOWER TAXES AND LEZ’ KEEP ‘DIM MESSICANS OWTTA OUR CUNTRY?”
