Newt makes his stand. IT IS TIME TO RACIALLY PROFILE, EVERYONE. That is the only solution. Call in every Muslim you know, immediately. One can only hope we have enough space in our luscious prisons for them all.
ShortsandPants
Gore-Tex Quality for Political Audacity
Posts tagged ‘Newt Gingrich’
Newt Gingrich Has a Powerful Message For You
Lying Liars Who Love to Lie (Newt Gingrich, et al.)
It is commonplace in our Nation to appoint “Judges” to various Courts. In fact, for the last 225 years this process has gone relatively unabated. BUT THINGS CAN CHANGE!
For some reason the GOP loves to bitch and whine— that’s why your Editor got an e-mail from “Tom Phillips” about the appointment of David Hamilton. If you believe what the e-mail says, you will secede from the Union. Luckily, it is full of lies.
Here is the e-mail, UNEDITED, as it is both terribly formatted and just generally insane:
Are We Not Rhinoceroses?
Once upon a time, Newt Gingrich was “a politician who in his private life [was] a seriously religious man but who [did] not make religious belief an upfront part of his political platform.” Well, thank the fuckin’ Lord those days are over!
Neut has apparently decided that his chances of becoming the Republican nominee for president are as slim as the those of Neut’s wife not being cheated on, by Neut, unless he starts banging the drum for The Lard and wearing his faith in Jesus on his sleeve.
And not only is Neut now a card-carrying member of the Jesus Brigade, he’s on a crusade to convince the world that Jesus caused the Berlin Wall and communism to crumble. He even bored the pants off his acolytes Monday night by fatuously mumbling a speech he called “The Victory of the Cross: How Spiritual Renewal Helped Topple the Berlin Wall.” Yawn, right?
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TASER OF WISDOM: “GOP VACUUM” EDITION
Newt Gingrich manned up and echoed your humble scribe recently. Pointing out something so hideously obvious that only Republicans don’t get it, Newt threatened to take the party hostage in 2012. By running for the White House. Because there’s a “vacuum.” And Newt abhors that nearly as much as nature itself.
“Callista and I are going to think about this in February 2011. And we are going to reach out to all of our friends around the country. And we’ll decide, if there’s a requirement as citizens that we run, I suspect we probably will. And if there’s not a requirement, if other people have filled the vaccum, I suspect we won’t.” (Yes, that’s how Political Wire spells “vacuum.”)
Did Newt take the time to let Mike Huckabee, Mitt Romney, Sarah Palin, Tim Pawlenty, Bobby Jindal, Michele Bachmann, and Rick Santorum know they’re all non-entities, invisible parts of a vacuum? Because they think they’re headed toward the Oval Office in ‘12, each and every giddily self-absorbed, reality-ignoring one of ‘em.
Which is really weird, considering half of them won’t even be in what’s left of the GOP by then. And what’s left of the GOP by then will only be able to get into the White House by taking a tour.
Welcome to Revenge Of The Teabaggers!
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Known Adulterer Newt Gingrich Starts Exciting New PAC
Everyone knows that Newt Gingrich enjoys sexing it up with the ladies while going after people that are more powerful than himself, but did you know that he wants to start sexing up the religious ladies now, too? It’s true. That is probably the only reason he started an EXCITING NEW P.A.C. last month. Go get ‘em, Tiger!
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Newt Gingrich is a Seething Socialist
You may have never thought of using “Newt Gingrich” and “Liberal” in the same sentence, unless it is “Newt Gingrich just ran over a Liberal,” but times have changed! He’s a filthy GODLESS Commie now:
