There exists a place on the Internet where Conservatives can go to learn all sorts of things. “Town Hall” is not one of them. In fact, “Town Hall” is exactly what you see in the headline, above. They are INCREDIBLE AND PERFECT.
Why are we focusing on “Town Hall?” They have a little “post” about Barack Obama, and how he’s Ivy League scum. We would first like to point out that just because you go to an Ivy League school, you are certainly not “scum.” We would also like to point out that if any of the writers from Town hall went to an Ivy League school, we are surprised with reckless abandon.
They have a section called This is John Galt Speaking. It is like Tea Bagger heroin that flows endlessly into a mindless abyss. This is mostly the reason your Shorts & Pants must address the following headline:
Can Ivy League Obama Play a Populist?
“CAN IVY LEAGUE OBAMA BE A RETARD?” God we hope not.
There is a place out there where cretins go to rant. It is a place that makes your Shorts&Pants look like it ISN’T PATRIOTIC ENOUGH. That’s right. We thought we were Earth’s Most Patriotic Gun Blog, but we have finally found our competition. 
Hello, Tea Party Heroes. Are you fed up with not being emergency prepared? TEA BAG IT. That’s the plan for everything, isn’t it? 
Here at ShortsandPants, we just love feed back! Here is an exciting list of positive comments and constructive criticism that your ShortsandPants is very grateful for. We will not include the names of people who commented, as we aren’t nearly as bad as the world thinks we are, apparently. OR ARE WE? These are all very… umm… interesting. It is nice to see that so many people have caught on to our CONSERVATIVE VALUES, and such.
Your ShortsandPants is a pacifist website. We seek peace in all things. We wish to meet our quotas and be favored by the Politburo. If we satisfy the supreme leader, we are doing good works. While we toil in the fields, we know that we contribute to the needs of our brothers in arms. We do not complain when our bounty is thin, because we know the homeland will provide for us. We have no issue setting aside our capitalist desires, as they are merely empty and full of greed. 
Today’s coveted “Quote of the Day” award goes to John Mica of Florida’s “Winter Park” region— the only part of Florida that is constantly awash with glaciers and sub-zero temperatures. John would like 
It is commonplace in our Nation to appoint “Judges” to various Courts. In fact, for the last 225 years this process has gone relatively unabated. BUT THINGS CAN CHANGE!
Nevermind the whore next to this post. This is the moment every American has waited for. You Euros who read the site (Analytics says it’s about half of you bastards) have no opinion over this stage of events. You do not understand the impact of Mike Huckabee, because 
Occasionally tragedies such as the one at Fort Hood happen in our modern world. More often then not these are outside the borders of the United States, but when they happen on home-turf, the impact consumes the populace (and rightfully so). However justified National rage may be during these events, there are still various wonderful groups of wing nuts who wish nothing more than to blow an isolated event into a larger problem. The Liberals did it when an abortion doctor was shot in front of his parishioners, remember?
It’s the time of the year for dressing up like an idiot and feeling “cool” about it! Everyone is very excited about this prospect, except for a few angry Christians, who bequest to discover the EVIL ROOTS of the pagan Holiday that is Halloween. You see, there is no Jesus associated with Halloween, unlike the pagan Holiday of Christmas— therefore Halloween must end.
Levi Johnston, who is arguably America’s Grandest Sweetheart, has been running around fishing for any and all forms of attention that may or may not contribute to his future Presidential campaign— and this ANGERS THE PALIN. You do not want to ANGER THE PALIN, as she has a 
There is persecution amok in our thriving public libraries. You see, according to FOX, straight people are being discriminated against— again. The militant gays just keep getting their way and hurting our great Nation. What can we even do to stop them? 
Do you find the photo contained in this post to be TERRIFYING? You should, because there is yet another threat to the welfare of our Nation that must be recognized without any racial bias, at all. We must stop the whites and the blacks from marrying each other— otherwise 9/11 will happen to our children, forever. 
