Posts tagged ‘Michele Bachmann’

Michele Bachmann Lists Her Various Accomplishments

By shortsshortsshorts, 1 March, 2010, No Comment

Like many human beings, Michele Bachmann endeavors to do what is right and true for the sustenance of her own advancement. This is just and true for the nature of the American Dream, as she is a strong proponent of advancing the causes of good for her constituency. You see, our elected leaders are obviously there to protect the interests of those they serve, and Michele is no exception to this glorious rule of thumb.

On that same vernacular, the rule of thumb exists because of people like Michele Bachmann. Not to offend our female readers, but at least you know why it exists. This is why we are very proud to announce the following headline from the Minneapolis/St. Paul City Pages.

Michele Bachmann agrees she’s sponsored no significant legislation

Oh?

I am in the deep minority in Congress and a fairly new freshman, so I don’t have substantive bills that I have passed. I would love to. The very first bill I introduced was the Health Care Freedom of Choice Act.”

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Michele Bachmann Is So Not Full Of Rhetorical Bullshit, You Guys

By shortsshortsshorts, 22 January, 2010, 1 Comment

We do not know how Michele Bachmann continues her rein of terror across these United States, but yes, she does. After calling for a “Prosperity Bill” yesterday (a bill that would obviously instill prosperity), she is now jumping on the “Declaration of Healthcare Independence” train. This train will depart sometime next week, so we suggest you HOP ON before it’s too late.

The only issue we have is that there is no such god damn thing as a “Declaration of Healthcare Independence,” and anybody who shows up for her announced event must be lashed repeatedly. Take note, readers. YOU WILL BE LASHED.

Here is a terrible thing for you to listen to if you are into that masochism-type stuff:

The FEMA Death Camps can’t come soon enough.

The Dream Team

By shortsshortsshorts, 21 January, 2010, 3 Comments

HILARIOUS SCENARIO IN PHOTO TO THE LEFT.

Right. So here’s the SCOOP. Palin is making sweet love to Michele Bachmann, people. She is planning on campaigning for Bachmann’s latest attempt to do whatever it is that she does in Congress. DOES THIS MEAN THEY WILL RUN TOGETHER IN 2012? No, probably not, as most Americans are not exactly akin to the idea of Sarah becoming our Gracious Overlord (you big meanies). But OH! OH THE POSSIBILITIES!

Announcing Palin’s scheduled appearance, Bachmann said in statement that “there is absolutely no one more in tune with the hearts and minds of everyday Americans than Governor Palin, and I’m excited to welcome her back to our beautiful state this spring,”

This is important to note, as Sarah Palin and Michele Bachmann wish to make babies together, with the “test tubes” these liberals keep talking about. We will keep you informed of any new developments. As the Nation knows, we love Michele Bachmann and get a proverbial boner whenever Sarah comes to town.

The Answer is “No.”

By shortsshortsshorts, 15 January, 2010, No Comment

Oh Look — it’s Michele Bachmann, and she’s gravitated towards a new objective. She’s going to be President.

Sarah Palin is the most visible with a new book riding the top of the bestseller list and Congresswoman Michele Bachmann is gaining ground as one of the drivers of the “tea party movement.”

Many of you may wonder why we are so obsessed with the Christian Broadcasting Network, and the answer we provide is “duh, people. We must embrace it. They are always correct about everything.”

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Our Own Modern Day Joe McCarthy

By shortsshortsshorts, 5 January, 2010, 4 Comments

There are threats abound in our post-Holiday America. These are from all sides. Nobody is safe from the possibilities of harm that are massively afoot. We must not treat this subject lightly. We have all seen the effects of terrorism, poverty, civil war, genocide, aristocracy, American Idol, and the like— but there is an even greater evil to be reckoned with. This will kill our hopes dreams, and realities.

Luckily, there is one human being, Allen Quist, who has the rocks to deal with this madness. Yes— Satan is staring us in the face— and he’s liberal.

So why are the liberals worse then terrorism? Allen explains.

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Michele Bachman To America: ‘I Hate the Socialists— But Am One’

By shortsshortsshorts, 22 December, 2009, 3 Comments

If you had a certain distaste for Michele Bachmann in the past— you must stop that. Michele is as true to her word as all of the Founding Fathers, combined. She is a scarlet of many wisdoms. Like, for example, her hate of Federal spending.

We at ShortsandPants feel no need to link you to the THOUSANDS of posts we have done on the topic of Bachmann’s hate of “Socialism” and “Federal Spending Dollars” and HORRIBLE subsidies that all the welfare queens of the world gobble up every year, for sport. No, sir, there is no need. Michele has been on an everlasting tirade, and nobody, so far, has been spared. This is why it gives your Editor GREAT JOY to share the news from the home-front and what not.

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Michele Bachmann— America’s Foremost Poetry Analyst

By shortsshortsshorts, 16 December, 2009, 2 Comments

Have you read Lord Tennyson’s Charge of the Light Brigade? Michele Bachmann hasn’t! That is why she wishes to invoke— falsely, we point out— that Conservatives are coming at America WITH FULL FORCE. The work that Michele employs for her recent tirade involves the British cavalry being mowed down by the Russians. This is a fairly good anecdote for the GOP, but Michele’s speechwriters left that part out.

PrayerCast To Ruin Health Care Reform With Direct Action From God Himself

By shortsshortsshorts, 14 December, 2009, 1 Comment

jesus-icon-1-770127.gif
Wingnuts are tired of the conventional means in which our Nation is addressing health care. After all, mankind has failed to deliver a bill that is fitting to Conservative Jesus. As a number of matters continue to be ignored, it is time to break out the nuclear option— Jesus.

Jesus will be showing up at exactly 8:30 p.m. on Wednesday, December 16, 2009. He will probably be armed heavily, so be weary of this. Jesus only has so much time to kill the liberals and their awful health care initiatives. Who will he be present with? Why, all of his closest followers, of course. Here is a list of people who will be conferring directly with the Lord Almighty in anticipation of the coming slaughter:

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Michele Bachmann: ‘I’m A Lovable Little Fuzz Ball!’

By shortsshortsshorts, 9 December, 2009, 1 Comment

We will leave this with an Editorial Conversation.

Rep. Michele Bachmann (R-MN) sat down for an interview with MinnPost, and among other things was asked why she is the object of so much loathing among liberals.

“I don’t know. I’m a lovable little fuzz ball!” said Bachmann. “I have no idea what they would have to fear. I guess you would have to ask them; they would have the better answer to your question.

me: She’s just the cutest thing… honest
Sent at 3:02 PM on Wednesday
Dana: also on the list of cute things: burn victims, genital warts, the holocaust
me: You just wrote up the post
CONGRATS
that is all I’m going to say in it

Michele Bachmann Graces 700 Club With Her Presence

By shortsshortsshorts, 3 December, 2009, 5 Comments

Pat Robertson is one evil motherfucker. That is an a priori to this post. If you do not believe this fact, stop reading from here.

MICHELE BACHMAN ON THE TEE VEE:


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World Net Daily Pink Slips Stack As High As Anything You Have Ever Seen Or Heard Of

By shortsshortsshorts, 3 December, 2009, 3 Comments

Yes, World Net Daily has really outdone themselves. You may remember when they announced an exciting campaign to “Pink Slip” Congress for being so audacious as to work bills through committees and frequently make public appearances, but that’s all over now. World Net Daily has done the impossible — they lied about things.

Right now they claim that they have sold no less then 8 MILLION pink slips at the price of something like $25.00. This is not true. If it was true, that means any given audience at Fox — all three million of them — shelled out almost $75.00 to stick it to the man on behalf of a wingnut website. Yes — they are lying.

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Michele Bachmann Has Brief Moment of Sanity, Immediately Refutes It

By Dana, 24 November, 2009, No Comment

Listen people, Michelle Bachmann KNOWS the shit that comes out of her mouth sounds crazy, okay?  But it only seems crazy because the LIBERAL MEDIA unfairly shuns the views of insane people, and that is fascism.  The end.

Q: A lot has been made of some of your statements — the “gangster government” comment, the “anti-American” comment. Is there anything you’ve said that you regret?

A: Oh, gosh, absolutely. Of course, I wish I could be more artful in the way that I say things. But the other thing I’ve noticed that is kind of interesting is it seems like there’s also a double standard and bias in the mainstream media.

Polls today say that the American people more than ever think the mainstream media is biased in favor of the liberal position. And so conservatives, especially conservative women, are held to a completely different standard than liberals.

(Politico)

Friday Tidbits

By shortsshortsshorts, 20 November, 2009, 1 Comment
  • Have you always been interested in Michele Bachman? We have! There is a fancy new article about her, in which it is fairly evident she eats paint chips. WHO KNEW? We’re still “hashing” out the details on this one, but to be “blunt” it looks like somebody’s been stuck in the “weeds” with a guy named “jay” recently.
  • “Remember gay-hatin’ Utah state legislator Chris Buttars?  Well, he still doesn’t like the gays, and he is also still clearly a closeted one!” Brendan is a bastard. He is so very mean to all people, everywhere. So what if this Buttars person watched Deepthroat a few too many times? That’s just not nice, Brendan.
  • Lady Noonington crafts her special blend of rough sex. As we all know, Peggy likes strong drink— a lot. Therefore it’s fairly obvious that rough sex would follow. But a full year of it? PEGGY— SEEK HELP.
  • “If God had not intended for us to eat animals, how come He made them out of meat?” Going Rogue, page 133.
  • The Washington Times has insanely wrong poll information for you. For example:
    “What do you think of the 10-year, $849 billion health care bill released by Senate Democratic leaders?
    Response Percent Votes
    Love it 63% 30999 votes
    Like it 3% 1938 votes
    Neutral 1% 830 votes”

WADE THROUGH IT.

Orly Taitz: The Crusade Against the Sane

By shortsshortsshorts, 12 November, 2009, 5 Comments

Wilson Edgar, a person who frequents this NEWLY IMPROVED FANCY WEBSITE, keeps sending tips that lead to the black hole known as Orly Taitz. We do not know why, and therefore cannot explain why he keeps doing this (he wants to shag Orly Taitz, we assume,) but nonetheless, Orly is sprayed all over your Editor’s inbox. She is literally everywhere.

To counteract this trend, we have combined a number of these tips into a little post “Orly Takes: The Crusade Against the Sane.” Thus we are doing our fair bit of poetic justice.

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The Most Awful and Annoying Woman in Washington

By shortsshortsshorts, 10 November, 2009, 5 Comments

Media Matters put together a wonderful compilation of what Michele Bachmann’s most effective contribution to Congress continues to be— shouting down those with disagreeable viewpoints. When you watch this terrible thing, you must pause and reflect for a moment. After all— who really is the most obnoxious woman in D.C.? Granted, a number of examples may be raised, but none so great as that of Michele Bachmann. Her favorite line, in a horrendous monotone? “MR. SPEAKER, I OBJECT.” She’ll just cold say it over and over again, like a trained monkey. It’s not as though she’s even listening to what the other party is saying— she just likes screaming mad insanities at those who are willing or unwilling to sustain said objections. Whoever spawned this awful scorn on the world should be punished, in hell, forever.

Whores— the Lot of Them

By shortsshortsshorts, 24 September, 2009, 3 Comments

Once upon a time in a land far, far away, John Boehner and Eric Cantor wrote a letter that is no longer accessible to us “human” types. This letter is critical of Michele Bachmann, apparently, but now it is gone! HMMM. But, according to the Minnesota Independent, it has been replaced with this:

What is the moral of this short story? We are represented by a gang of prostitutes, and nothing else. There are solicitations being performed not only in the streets of D.C., but inside the highest realms of power one can think of. What makes this even worse is the general American reaction that stating one position at 10:00 a.m. and completely reversing that position by 12:00 p.m. is actually acceptable to us. Isn’t that swell?

All In the Family

By shortsshortsshorts, 17 September, 2009, 6 Comments

oh jesus hell What usually happens when you put a group of carnivorous freaks in the same room results in a sort of “mini-Nationalism,” or as we like to call it— filthy fascism. There is no place for it in our country, and yet still we allow it. It’s a bit like the town hall mess that was forced upon us last month, but this time— it’s on the radio.

What happens when Michele Bachmann and Janet Porter go on the radio together? Well, as Right Wing Watch shows us all— it’s a nightmare.

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