Posts tagged ‘Let’s just imprison everybody’

Education Is a Pain In The Ass Anyway

By shortsshortsshorts, 17 February, 2010, 1 Comment

We must make cutbacks in order to subsist in these hard times. Utah understands this, and they have a fantastic idea! Let’s just rid ourselves of education, as education is clearly a sign of weakness. Not that it really matters, anyway. Education has been keeping the people down for far too long, so this should turn out well.

During a hearing of the state’s Public Education Appropriations Subcommittee earlier this month, Buttars suggested that funding 12th grade amounts to “spending a whole lot of money for a whole bunch of kids who aren’t getting anything out of that grade.” The state senator also has also suggested ending “all busing for high school students,” which would disadvantage poor students and only save a paltry $15 million.

That about sums it up. Senior year of High School— for those of you who went through it, is beyond useless. We mustn’t keep such a thing mandatory. Luckily there are states like Utah who understand this, because otherwise what would the budget look like? We have been “learned.”

Government Services and the prospects of public education? THE THOUGHT IS TERRIFYING.

Hot Air’s Mitch Berg Must Be Waterboarded Over and Over Again

By shortsshortsshorts, 4 December, 2009, 3 Comments

Your ShortsandPants is a pacifist website. We seek peace in all things. We wish to meet our quotas and be favored by the Politburo. If we satisfy the supreme leader, we are doing good works. While we toil in the fields, we know that we contribute to the needs of our brothers in arms. We do not complain when our bounty is thin, because we know the homeland will provide for us. We have no issue setting aside our capitalist desires, as they are merely empty and full of greed.

There is a disturbance to our values, however. A detractor is in our midst. His enlightenment may cause a stir in our happy, humble lives. We must send him to the gulag.

Mitch Berg is the type of person who finds value in calling people Dick “Turban” Durbin, because that makes TOTAL SENSE! HE’S FULL OF HUMOR YOU SEE.

One time, at band camp, Dick Durbin compared Gitmo interrogators as “Nazis,” which is probably accurate— but who cares. That’s not the point. Mitch Berg must be water-boarded for more reason than we can list, but his latest “column” takes the cake.

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Insufferable Dick Won’t Shut Up

By Dana, 17 November, 2009, 12 Comments

Andrew Breitbart’s Big Hollywood blog has consistently provided writing from a group of very sad failed actors and comedians who have been unfairly oppressed by the Liberal Jew Run Media due to their conservative views.  One such failure is such a cancerous, annoying, slimy turd that he’s really almost awe inspiring.  We’ve talked about him before, and never thought we would have to bring him up again, but here it goes.  His name is Steven Crowder and everything he does is awful.  He recently went to Guantanamo Bay, and the resulting video is, not surprisingly, fucking awful.  Please force yourself to sit through it:

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Terrible Failure Wishes to Put Obama Administration On Trial— Millions of Americans Say “Meh”

By shortsshortsshorts, 17 November, 2009, 1 Comment

Mike Huckabee! The HERO! The opportunist! Yes, good ‘ol Huck has found a new calling— gibberish. He loves him some of that sweet, sweet gibber. For example, he was in Orlando talking foreign policy with Mickey Mouse and domestic policy with Walt Disney’s corpse, when he came up with a revelation about putting suspected/alleged terrorists on trial within the Nation’s borders. He calls it “accountability.” We call it “bullshit,” but you can be the Judge.

“Well, I think it’s absurd, and I think the Obama administration will be as much on trail as Khalid Sheikh Mohammed,” said Huckabee.

Honestly, Mike— did you really just say that?

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Sarah Palin Will Not Have Any of This “Complaining” Nonsense

By shortsshortsshorts, 16 November, 2009, 3 Comments

Sarah Palin’s quest to teach us the basic value of her character and moral virtue comes in various forms in her terrible book WHICH SHAN’T BE NAMED HERE. Basically, she lies. We do not believe she is aware of said lies, because she didn’t really write the book, but she may have wanted to read it before it went to copy.

Come jump on the Inconsistency Express, now leaving Wasilla Station! Media Matters sheds light on this awful mess.

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SUSPECTED CRIMINAL TO RECEIVE DUE-PROCESS OF LAW!11!!

By shortsshortsshorts, 13 November, 2009, 2 Comments

Picture 15
No person shall be held to answer for a capital, or otherwise infamous crime, unless on a presentment or indictment of a grand jury, except in cases arising in the land or naval forces, or in the militia, when in actual service in time of war or public danger; nor shall any person be subject for the same offense to be twice put in jeopardy of life or limb; nor shall be compelled in any criminal case to be a witness against himself, nor be deprived of life, liberty, or property, without due process of law; nor shall private property be taken for public use, without just compensation.

Ya— unless you’re a TERRORIST— or maybe a terrorist. Either way— SOCIALISM.

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Real American Heroes

By shortsshortsshorts, 11 November, 2009, 2 Comments

Our soldiers at home have our BEST INTERESTS IN MIND. That is why we revere them. Marine reservists, for example, are trained to point out the enemy and neutralize them ON SIGHT. We do not have an army of the weak, but a coalition of the mighty and strong. This is a given fact— which is why if you are Greek, you need to step the fuck out of the way, or take what’s coming to you.

We did not recognize the Greeks as a legitimate threat in the past. They seemed, while relatively leftist, to be a strong ally in our War Against Everybody. And, despite this, there are still Greek priests running around Florida trying to ruin our way of life.

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Michelle Malkin Racist Roundup!

By shortsshortsshorts, 10 November, 2009, 4 Comments

As a country bent on tolerance, it is very important to point out the weaknesses of trying to combine Asians and Muslims. This is, after all, a historical conflict. While this may be a fabrication of the past, your ShortsandPants is now thoroughly convinced that bad blood has existed for centuries between the middle and far east. We do not know what to make of it, but if Michelle Malkin is the only example, the ill feelings between the two are far worse than anybody could have previously anticipated.

The woman is on a rampage. She is literally declaring a holy war on the Islamic community. Malkin will soon enter Saudi Arabia, guns blazing, firing at anything and everything with a heartbeat — all this for the sake of freedom. Where did all this hostility come from, Michelle?

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Los Angeles Does Its Very Best to Encourage Paranoia

By shortsshortsshorts, 26 October, 2009, 4 Comments

What you will watch above is possibly one of the creepiest things that has ever been placed before the eyes of a grueling and desperate populace. In it, Los Angeles County endeavors to turn man-against-man with a surveillance effort unmatched by any known civilization since the Soviet Union decided to fall in 1989. This is an insane mantra with an ongoing theme— WATCH YOUR NEIGHBORS. The program is titled “iwatch,” as in a place to encourage citizens to freak out at any particularly unusual behavior that may or may not be happening in their own towns. It is absolutely incredulous and terrible. Now we can all watch each other and hope to be a part of the solution— that being turning in the woman a few doors down that makes you jealous and uncomfortable inside. Call her in! She’s a fucking terrorist!

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