Posts tagged ‘Jesus Christ’

Christians Are Just Being Eaten Alive Everywhere— Who Will Stop This?

By shortsshortsshorts, 30 March, 2010, 5 Comments

Dear readers— your Shorts & Pants has received an omen this morning from every tip received today. It is that Christians… yes CHRISTIANS… are being punished by every facet of humanity. This is a terrible occurrence, and your Editor won’t stand for it. No no. It’s time for a Christian Roundup. We must expose the TROOF behind these lies. Yes, that. Let’s do that. Sure.

First of all we here of this group of Christian Militants desiring to kill a peace officer in Florida. While this may seem to be a straight forward case of “insanity,” Christian News Wire would like to give you another take. In fact, as Christian News Wire points out— they are the victims in this debacle. It may be that religion has spawned multiple wars and killed millions of people for the last 6,000 years (as the world is only 6,000 years of age), but a few bad apples shouldn’t spoil the lot. Dr. Gary Cass of the Christian Anti-Defamation Commission would like to articulate this point to you.

“Even if they identify themselves as Christians, what they were allegedly planning is absolutely contrary to Christianity. They may have illicitly co-opted the Christian faith to justify their murderous intentions, but it is defamatory for the media to keep referring to them as Christians. They are simply terrorists.”

You may interpret this in any way you see fit, but my own interpretation is that Christians are terrorists. WHAT TO DO WITH THESE CHRISTIAN TERRORISTS? OH SWEET GOD.

Moving on.

Read More →

Sneaky Pro-Life Fanatics Lose Yet Another Attempt At Being Sneaky

By shortsshortsshorts, 12 January, 2010, 4 Comments

Haha you pro-life people are such jerks sometimes. There was some blasted initiative in Nevada that sought to say the following:

The Nevada Personhood initiative proposed to amend the state Constitution by defining a person and extending due process rights from the beginning of biological development through end of life. The petition does not specifically mention abortion, but says its intent is to codify “the inalienable right to life for everyone, young or old, healthy or ill, conscious or unconscious, born or unborn.”

Sneaky bastards! This is their way of doing things, apparently. Various states have enacted parental notification laws, and various others are currently entrenched in utter warfare over the “definition of a person.” Well how would you define a person, reader? It seems pretty fucking obvious to your Editor what a “person” is, but not so for the “Nevada Personhood” folks. Luckily, they have failed miserably, once again.

Read More →

Your Essential “War On Christmas” Watch List

By shortsshortsshorts, 30 November, 2009, 1 Comment

“StandforChristmas.com” has compiled a list of retailers who aren’t Jesus enough for your sweet Holiday money-dollars. They have posted this, on the Internet. Yes— that is where it is.

As most of us Americans are fully engaged in this meaningless agenda, we encourage all of you to check out percentages, such as this!

“           Retailer                       Friendly   Negligent  Offensive

American Eagle Outfitters 27%        9%            64%”

While these numbers come from some unknown source and are patent bullshit— it is still important to share. No work from the War on Hanukkah people yet but are sure they’re around— somewhere.

The Club For Growth (Not the Erectile Disfunction Kind)

By shortsshortsshorts, 17 November, 2009, 9 Comments

The miraculous movement started in 1999 to destroy the Republican Party, somehow, has gained quite a bit of tread in the last year. This is an unexplainable anomaly, as The Club For Growth believes essentially the same thing as the GOP. The difference? THEY ARE THE NEW, IMPROVED GOP. Just look at what they did for Doug Hoffman! He was actually the “front-runner” of the right in New York’s 23rd Congressional District election, all because of The Club For Growth.

Read More →

Alex Jones— The Next Glenn Beck?

By shortsshortsshorts, 8 October, 2009, 4 Comments

Did you know that The New Republic actually did a post suggesting that Alex Jones is the next Glenn Beck? Honestly, chascates, who tipped this, actually hates this website. He is subjecting your Editor to some form of Electronic Chinese Water Torture to send such a terrible pile of bile. Keep in mind— this is the same chascates who was the only one to tip us on this piece of garbage, which incidentally will air TONIGHT on FOX NEWS, only.

Actually we have to give chascates credit. He finds some really weird shit sometimes and passes it along here. While your ShortsandPants isn’t a huge fan of being led through the hollow-brained crazy at various “Republic” publications (read: Free Republic), sometimes it seems like the right thing to do. So let us plunge into the wacky, fucked up musings of our New Republic friends— if only for a moment.

Read More →

Arch-Commander Barack Van ObamaStein

By shortsshortsshorts, 6 October, 2009, 3 Comments

Sources at NewsMax have an amazing scoop that WILL NOT be ignored by the Main Stream Media. You see, there is a black man running around Washington D.C. acting like he’s the “Commander-in-Chief” of our armed forces. Everybody knows that since January 20, 2009 there is no such thing as a Commander-in-Chief, and NewsMax would like to elaborate on this key change to the United States Constitution. Apparently when a President attempts to influence the armed forces, he is not only a bully, but a dictator. To wit:

Read More →