Posts tagged ‘Jeebus’

Sneaky Pro-Life Fanatics Lose Yet Another Attempt At Being Sneaky

By shortsshortsshorts, 12 January, 2010, 4 Comments

Haha you pro-life people are such jerks sometimes. There was some blasted initiative in Nevada that sought to say the following:

The Nevada Personhood initiative proposed to amend the state Constitution by defining a person and extending due process rights from the beginning of biological development through end of life. The petition does not specifically mention abortion, but says its intent is to codify “the inalienable right to life for everyone, young or old, healthy or ill, conscious or unconscious, born or unborn.”

Sneaky bastards! This is their way of doing things, apparently. Various states have enacted parental notification laws, and various others are currently entrenched in utter warfare over the “definition of a person.” Well how would you define a person, reader? It seems pretty fucking obvious to your Editor what a “person” is, but not so for the “Nevada Personhood” folks. Luckily, they have failed miserably, once again.

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Hark the Herald Angels Flee

By AustinJunkie, 29 December, 2009, 3 Comments

Did you have a Merry Christmas?

Did you celebrate ol’ whathisname’s birthday by attending a midnight church service because your mom insisted, even though the rank hypocrisy of doing so made you feel ashamed down to your underwear?

That’s one of the privileges we enjoy here in the godless United States: to ridicule and not take seriously something that is deadly serious to people in other parts of the world.

In Iraq, the luxury of religious freedom for Christians doesn’t really exist. Christians have been fleeing Baghdad since 2003. As other sects and ethnic groups split into armed factions, Iraqi Christians mostly sold up and moved out of the country.

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‘Even though Christmas is less than a week away, we are literally in a battle for our lives and our freedom,’ States Faith2Action President Janet Porter

By shortsshortsshorts, 18 December, 2009, 2 Comments

Faith2Action is currently wetting their pants over health care. The issues of Climate Change and Health Care Reform have caused them to call for a “fast.” The idea of this “fast” would be that Jesus would listen and start influencing world leaders to tell Satan to GET BEHIND THEM. This borders on “insane,” but we will toe the line and call it “INCREDIBLY PATRIOTIC AND SMART.”

“All I want for Christmas is my life and my freedom. But it’s going to take prayer, fasting, and action to achieve that.” Porter emphasized. “Even when you’re standing in line at the mall, use that time to pray, and put the Capitol Switchboard number on speed dial: 202-224-3121.”

Liberals must counter this by praying to Satan and calling the same number to explain to Congress that, even though a minority of psychos are derailing Health Care Reform, they are exactly that — a “minority of psychos.”

The Club For Growth (Not the Erectile Disfunction Kind)

By shortsshortsshorts, 17 November, 2009, 9 Comments

The miraculous movement started in 1999 to destroy the Republican Party, somehow, has gained quite a bit of tread in the last year. This is an unexplainable anomaly, as The Club For Growth believes essentially the same thing as the GOP. The difference? THEY ARE THE NEW, IMPROVED GOP. Just look at what they did for Doug Hoffman! He was actually the “front-runner” of the right in New York’s 23rd Congressional District election, all because of The Club For Growth.

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“Give to the Lord What the Lord Requires— and Give to Goldman as Goldman Requests”

By shortsshortsshorts, 5 November, 2009, 2 Comments

Jesus said the headline, above. As stated by a certain Barclays Executive:

Barclays Plc Chief Executive Officer John Varley stood at the wooden lectern in St. Martin-in-the- Fields on London’s Trafalgar Square last night and told the packed pews of the church that “profit is not satanic.”

Verily I say unto thee — Jesus promoteth thy self-interest:

“The injunction of Jesus to love others as ourselves is an endorsement of self-interest,” Goldman’s Griffiths said Oct. 20, his voice echoing around the gold-mosaic walls of St. Paul’s Cathedral, whose 365-feet-high dome towers over the City, London’s financial district. “We have to tolerate the inequality as a way to achieving greater prosperity and opportunity for all.”

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Obama and His Love For Militant Gays is Urinating On Jesus

By shortsshortsshorts, 28 October, 2009, 5 Comments

Angry Christians abound! They are everywhere! You see, various “Leagues” are incensed by various “things.” We will feature two of these in one post. IT’S LIKE A BUY ONE GET ONE FREE SALE!

Your Editor is very tired after waking up early to go to the protest-fest down on Market Street and therefore hasn’t been “writing,” but no worries! There’s another protest tomorrow against the coal industry, and of course your ShortsandPants will be there— camera in hand.

Anyway, CHRISTIANS— you keep making up shit, and that is rather entertaining. One such story involves the “Hate Crimes” bill that recently made it illegal to beat the living shit out of gay people. This is, of course, an outrage. As a Nation we are bound by our Founding Fathers to senselessly destroy the will of another. It is the American way, god dammit.

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WAA HOO WINGNUTS!

By shortsshortsshorts, 8 October, 2009, 15 Comments

Meet the ‘Digital Angel’
– from Hell

We are cutting and pasting from the best website ever known to mankind— and as they do not copyright their stuff, your ShortsandPants is going to have a field day with this. You must read the entirety of the thing, as the website linked here actually believes that the Rapture is coming “this Fall.” Enjoy, dear reader.

FALL 2009 – THE END?

IS THIS THE TIME OF THE RAPTURE?

SEE: VIDEO!

&

THE START OF THE 7-YEAR TRIBULATION?

We are commanded to know the signs of the times and to be  prepared to meet The Lord in the air at the catching away of the believers. The Bible teaches that the church (Jesus’ bride) will not be here during the 7-year period known as The Tribulation.

Astronomical signs prove 100% that the ending of the

7-year tribulation period is at the end of 2015!

Therefore, the beginning of the 7-year

Tribulation period starts by FALL 2009!

(See the information below)

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Prepare for Hell

By shortsshortsshorts, 22 September, 2009, 8 Comments

Do not trust anyone with a bible in their hand posing for a photo. It is essential that you heed these words. When you have people like Bill Keller in the world, this point is only made more concretely.

To jest, the man’s radio show has become something of a “Holier Then Thou” freak show. Not to say it wasn’t before— it was. But now the man has gone over the edge. He may actually believe what he’s saying. Is it possible?

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