Posts tagged ‘idiots’

Climate Change Legislation Will Kill Off Puppies— Kittens Also On Notice

By , 7 December, 2009, 1 Comment

GOPers: EPA Finding Threatens Kittens, Plants

But… but… KITTENS? Anything but KITTENS!

The Republican Study Committee has a very important message for you:

Every day, over 6 billion humans and an untold number of puppies, kittens, and other animals produce large quantities of this ubiquitous gas. Should they be required to stop breathing? And every day, trees, flowers, shrubs, and other flora use carbon dioxide to sustain their own existence. Liberals are supposedly more plant-friendly than the rest of us, so why would they try to limit a gas that is essential for plant life? If the rainforests could speak, would they be stunned by this betrayal?

Ruminate on this, readers. The rain forest will be destroyed by efforts to save the environment, and of course the puppies and kittens will be massacred— daily.

Malkin’s Mad. To which the country says “so what?”

By , 7 October, 2009, 5 Comments

michelle malkin gone wild
Good afternoon Internet! I’m sitting here in my small, DIY studio (late rent) listening to depressing economic news on the Public Radio and I’m feeling a little inspired. In between reading funnies, obsessively checking my Facebook news feed and re-lighting cigarettes I’m also venturing into the deepest, darkest, muskiest tubes that comprise the internet. I’m talking about www.michellemalkin.com.

I’ll give you the dirty details below the fold.

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Everyone Decides to Sue Sarah Palin

By , 23 March, 2009, 2 Comments

The 80's were a terrible timePoor Sarah, everyone hates her these days! She’s been sued about 100 times in the last five minutes, which is why she is considering, on top of all of her other inspiring actions, to start a legal fund!

You see, it is hard being Sarah Palin. She has to wake up every morning and somehow bone the rest of the country with her snow-billy state’s problems, because everyone knows that Alaska is the most important place on the planet, and possibly the universe, ever.

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‘Confederacy has gotten a bad rap’

By , 22 March, 2009, 2 Comments

The brave defenders of slavery
The true protectors of American ideals are typically Republicans, as Democrats are liberal commies from Norway or something, obviously. That is why the South is the perfect place for a red canvas. A place where people of all colors, whether white, or white, or even WHITE can live in harmony. No fear of the future, no burden of the past. These are men fighting for patriotism and liberty by rejecting the union that has prevented them from enjoying the fruits of other people’s labor. We speak, of course, of the Confederacy.

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Fox News Informs Everyone of “EVIL-DOER” Opportunity, in Canada!

By , 22 March, 2009, 2 Comments

Well here is something ludicrous and insane! It’s the show “Red Eye,” on Fox! And what do they have to share with us?

Canada is thinking about shutting down their military for re-organization! According to Fox, this is because they want to do “yoga” and “walk on the beach in their gorgeous white Capri pants.” You see, Fox News understands the truth about Canada, you can tell from the quote below:

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Dumpster Babies Will Soon be Writing for Fox News

By , 16 March, 2009, No Comment

johnlottAre you an insane serial killer with eyes on racking up as many victims as possible? Perhaps you are Forest Gump? Even better, are you a serial killer named Forest Gump? Well you should write for Fox, then, because brains and/or sanity need not apply.

The strapping gentleman in the photo there is John Lott, and he is a professor! In Maryland! It’s just a rumor, but someone SAID a while ago (and we don’t know who did) that John gets his inspiration for writing from eating extacy while drunkenly banging younger men (but that’s surely hearsay). Anyway, he is writing things now. THREE THINGS! And his latest is some of the battiest, craziest and impalpable works of art that has ever seen a publisher. Give this man a Peabody! Now!

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CPAC Will Save All Mankind from Democrats who Make Sense

By , 26 February, 2009, 2 Comments
Asshat.

Asshat.

Many thanks to Ana Marie Cox for posting this FANTASTIC thing, that is not only insane, but necessary:

“PRESIDENTIAL BANQUET
Regency Ballroom
Master of Ceremonies: Rep. Michelle Bachmann (MN)”

That’s right, MICHELLE BACHMANN is now the President. For some reason this makes total sense. About as much as her re-election in Minnesota last November, but WHATEVS she is your Presidential overlord now. But there’s more:

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Roland Burris Can’t Catch a Break from the Racism— Dick Durbin is only White Person to Defend Him

By , 24 February, 2009, No Comment

TAINT TAINT TAINTAre you Roland Burris? No? Well aren’t you lucky!

Everybody hates him. The taint of Blago has ruined him, and he doesn’t seem to understand why. THE TRUTH LIES IN THE COLOR OF HIS SKIN, HOWEVER. Et es a FAKT.

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Talkin’ Stalkin’ with Malkin

By , 17 February, 2009, 1 Comment

witchita-wingnuts

Last Friday the Invisible Hand showed me the exit door. Without getting too much into it the beastly free market bent me over and fucked me until I said “I love you” only to never call me again. It was in this spirit of rugged individualism and frontier mentality that I confronted my new state of employment when I went to Malkin’s site (for the free pr0n). What did I find?

Malkin was promoting “civil disobedience” scheduled for President’s day in Westlake Park – four blocks from my apartment.

On any given weekend you can visit this park and watch all manner of functional idiots protesting everything from gays to Mooslums to THE SLAUGHTER OF 50 MILLION UNBORN CITIZENS!!!1!

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