Posts tagged ‘Health Care’

We Must Repeal Laws That Don’t Exist Yet

By shortsshortsshorts, 9 March, 2010, 2 Comments

After all of these years of Health Care reform ruining our Nation and turning us into an angry breed of socialist scum hell-bent on destroying all that is right and true in the world, National Review would like to share with you the solution to this terrible thing that has gripped all persons in fear and dismay for far too long. Let’s repeal the thing. Never mind if no measure of law has been enacted. We must act.

This is a true advancement for us all.

“The Case for Repeal” is the name of the column in which we speak of. This thing is full of glorious tidbits unmatched by the best of minds. Newton, Socrates and the like could never have matched the wit of the great Rich Lowry, Editor of National Review, who has this to share with you.

If Pelosi somehow succeeds, Democrats will tell themselves they’ve finally attained a goal that has eluded them since Truman. But it won’t be over.

Alright, so Rich begins with a very strong statement. “IT WONT BE OVER.” Surely this article will be about Health Care Reform. Yes. It is beyond any doubt that Rich will go off about the subject in the headline.

In terms of the Iraq War, it will be the toppling–the–Saddam Hussein–statue phase of the operation, with more combat still in the offing.

What, Rich? That’s not Health Care. Now you’re talking about Iraq. That doesn’t make any sense, Rich. Are you off the meds?

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This Hurts Them More Than It Hurts You

By AustinJunkie, 22 February, 2010, 7 Comments

I hope you communists out there are happy.

All your crybabying about health insurance and how expensive it is and how you got denied coverage for your “cancer” or your “pre-existing condition” (why are you always getting sick?) has resulted in the worst kind of news for the insurance companies.

After an absolutely horrible 2008, when the profits of the five largest health insurance companies amounted to only $7.8 billion, 2009 wasn’t much better. Only $4.4 billion better, or an increase of 56%.

Have you ever tried to live on 56% more money than you got last year?

Well have you?

You horrible people are always going on about how America should be a caring nation, a country that takes care of its own, a place that boasts the greatest health care system in the world.

Yet, profits were so low last year that these same five companies had to relieve 2.7 million Americans of their health insurance.

How do you think that makes them feel?

Various Numbers Indicate Popularity of Health Care Reform For Some Awful Reason

By shortsshortsshorts, 26 January, 2010, No Comment

We jacked the above-image from “The Atlantic.” More specifically, Andrew Sullivan, who just loves to muse about things that are far more relevant then your Shorts & Pants wishes to recognize. As you can see, there is a great amount of favoritism in the United States towards various initiatives in said “Health Care Bill.” Luckily a propaganda machine has caused these elements to look terrible when combined. This means that we mustn’t pass it, ever. The American people simply cannot have something they want, as that would be anti-American in nature.

The Stab in the Back

By AustinJunkie, 14 January, 2010, 4 Comments

Today the White House and labor union leaders announced they have reached a compromise to tax high-cost health insurance policies. This agreement “clears one of the last major obstacles on the path to final passage of comprehensive health care legislation.”

President Obama, a true friend of working people, strongly supports the so-called “Cadillac Tax,” and earlier proposed a 40% levy on such policies.

The president supports this tax for two reasons: he wants an easy way to raise revenue to pay for the proposed increase in coverage for millions of Americans, and he doesn’t mind screwing working class laborers because they have little political power these days.

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‘Even though Christmas is less than a week away, we are literally in a battle for our lives and our freedom,’ States Faith2Action President Janet Porter

By shortsshortsshorts, 18 December, 2009, 2 Comments

Faith2Action is currently wetting their pants over health care. The issues of Climate Change and Health Care Reform have caused them to call for a “fast.” The idea of this “fast” would be that Jesus would listen and start influencing world leaders to tell Satan to GET BEHIND THEM. This borders on “insane,” but we will toe the line and call it “INCREDIBLY PATRIOTIC AND SMART.”

“All I want for Christmas is my life and my freedom. But it’s going to take prayer, fasting, and action to achieve that.” Porter emphasized. “Even when you’re standing in line at the mall, use that time to pray, and put the Capitol Switchboard number on speed dial: 202-224-3121.”

Liberals must counter this by praying to Satan and calling the same number to explain to Congress that, even though a minority of psychos are derailing Health Care Reform, they are exactly that — a “minority of psychos.”

Ben Nelson/Fox News Win the War On Christmas

By shortsshortsshorts, 18 December, 2009, 1 Comment

DOOCY: “Democrat senator from Nebraska Ben Nelson, the holdout on health care reform right now on the Democrat side. The sticking point? Abortion, which could push lawmakers up right until Christmas. But could it be because he understands the true meaning of Christmas?”

It’s HYPOTHETICAL time.

DOOCY: “Democrat senator from Nebraska Ben Nelson, the holdout on health care reform right now on the Democrat side. The sticking point? Abortion, which could push lawmakers up right until Christmas. But could it be because he raped, murdered, maimed and slaughtered an entire Ugandan village?”

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The Smartest Guy in the Room

By AustinJunkie, 17 December, 2009, 2 Comments

Reconciliation or the kitten gets it!Howard Dean is a genius. Behind that creepy grin sits a medical doctor who actually cares, like Rep. Anthony Weiner, that 45,000 people a year die for lack of proper medical care.

So why is he suddenly telling Democrats to scrap the health care bill (which they’ve butchered beyond all recognition,) start over and ram something far more progressive down Republicans’ throats using the reconciliation process?

Howard Dean knows the Democrats need a persuasive kick to the head or they’re going to continue ceding ground to clowns like Joe Lieberman, Bart Stupak and Mary Landrieu. The only direction Senate Democrats seem to know these days is reverse. They’re so busy giving away the store they need something or someone to kick their teeth in to help them remember why they were elected.

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Glenn Beck To America: “Lying To You Causes Me Great Pleasure”

By shortsshortsshorts, 17 December, 2009, 3 Comments

WINDBAGS! We love them. Apparently, a bunch of righty blogs, including freakish human Michelle Malkin, were throwing around rumors about how Senator Ben Nelson is being threatened with domestic terrorism if he does not vote for health care reform by closing down Nebraska’s Offutt Air Force Base, which would make for some fairly angry Nebraskans, we imagine.Luckily, this rumor was denied by just about every government official no earth. However, this is of no consequence to KING WINDBAG, Mr. Glenn Beck. Take it away, Glenn! It’s TREASON TIME:

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World’s Most Wanted Weiner

By AustinJunkie, 16 December, 2009, 1 Comment

Everyone loves WeinerHealth Care v. Sick Care, Congressman v. Senator, Jew v. Jew — In the red corner it’s Representative Anthony Weiner (D-NY.) In the dick corner, it’s Senator Joe Lieberman (F-CT.) At stake: the future of health care in America.

Last night, Rep. Weiner sent me a personal message (or the same message he sent to everyone who signed up at countdowntohealthcare.com) He’s pissed off, tired of dicks in the Senate like Lieberman and, most importantly, he’s one of the few congressman who actually cares that 45,000 of God’s Americans die every year for lack of proper health care.

Rep. Weiner is so good (and I love him so much) that his message of love and hope deserves to be shared. Take it away, future president Weiner:

This time it's personal

Craven Cowards of Congress

By AustinJunkie, 15 December, 2009, No Comment

…and the horse it rode in onWell well well, it looks ilke the “radical left-wing” Democrats in Congress are going to dump the public option, dump Medicare expansion and hand a giant pile of money to insurance companies. The Democrats are going to perform a Cleveland Steamer Deluxe on the American people, and blame it all on Joe Lieberman.

Despite the bleatings of supposed liberals in the House and Senate who repeatedly told us they weren’t going to vote for any bill that doesn’t include a public option, and despite the groundswell of public support and evidence for it in polls, Congress decided to take the slow road to China and pounce on the first opportunity to come along. And now, with the media distracted by Afghanistan and Tiger Woods…surprise!

Out the window goes any check on the rapacious greed of the insurance companies. Out the window goes a public option that might keep premiums from spiraling out of control for their millions of new, mandatory customers.

Out the window goes an expansion of Medicare that would go some way toward attenuating the fear middle-aged who have entered that frightening decade where insurers won’t touch you but you’re too young for Medicare.

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PrayerCast To Ruin Health Care Reform With Direct Action From God Himself

By shortsshortsshorts, 14 December, 2009, 1 Comment

jesus-icon-1-770127.gif
Wingnuts are tired of the conventional means in which our Nation is addressing health care. After all, mankind has failed to deliver a bill that is fitting to Conservative Jesus. As a number of matters continue to be ignored, it is time to break out the nuclear option— Jesus.

Jesus will be showing up at exactly 8:30 p.m. on Wednesday, December 16, 2009. He will probably be armed heavily, so be weary of this. Jesus only has so much time to kill the liberals and their awful health care initiatives. Who will he be present with? Why, all of his closest followers, of course. Here is a list of people who will be conferring directly with the Lord Almighty in anticipation of the coming slaughter:

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“Concerned Women For America” Experiments With Existential Literature In Anti-Health Care Reform Tyrade

By shortsshortsshorts, 9 December, 2009, 4 Comments

Let’s have a chat about “completeness.” What exactly makes somebody “complete?” Is “completeness” part of a greater “is?” Is the “is” actually an “is not?” ARE WE BEING DECEIVED? Concerned Women For America would like to address these questions. And if you haven’t experienced an existential crisis yet in this post, Concerned Womenz For America would like to point you in the direction of “completeness.”

When implemented, the complete lives system produces a priority curve on which individuals aged between roughly 15 and 40 years get the most substantial chance, whereas the youngest and oldest people get chances that are attenuated . . . the complete lives system justifies preference to younger people . . . Additionally, the complete lives system assumes that, although life-years are equally valuable to all, justice requires the fair distribution of them.

That’s from Dr. Ezekiel Emmanuel— Obama’s Special Advisor for Health Policy. Seems pretty straight forward, right? WRONG. The Concerned Ladies would like you to understand the truth of it all:

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Stupid E-Mails From John McWalnuts

By shortsshortsshorts, 3 December, 2009, 1 Comment

John McCain has figured out how to use an “e-mail” service. This should be the breaking news, but THERE IS MORE! His horrible amendment to the health care plan — the one where “Medicaid doesn’t get affected” is getting a vote today!

We are all well aware that Walnuts is doing all of this for money (sweet lobbyist buttsecks dollars, probably), so the amendment unlike many other lobbyist buttsecks amendments, will probably fail horribly. BUT IT DOES SEND A MESSAGE, right? HHHEENNNGHHH?? Anyway — the e-mail — right.

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United States of Genentech

By AustinJunkie, 16 November, 2009, 3 Comments

Wanna get high?Lost amid the cacophony of war on two fronts, our president’s historic fusion of two ideologically opposed political systems — communism & fascism — and the debate over how much to charge for a license to murder a homeless person in the new health care bill, has been the secret and successful plan by the Frankenstein genetics company Genentech to replace members of Congress with malleable clones easily manipulated to parrot the politics of Genentech’s parent company,Tynacorp, and its allies.

This marks a brave new turning point in the history of Congressional corruption. In the past, members of Congress were controlled, rather predictably, by enormous wads of cash and an unending stream of underage boys. These days, with saturation media coverage of politics and the Google able to tell us what type of underwear President Clinton wore during trysts with Monica Lewinsky (an early model Genentech clone, the Chubby Chaser 3000,) those wishing to bend Congress to their will have resorted to more high-tech means of getting what they want.

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Chuck Norris KNOWS THE FACTS

By shortsshortsshorts, 12 November, 2009, 8 Comments

So you think Chuck Norris is just going to sit back and take this Socialized medicine bit? You think Chuck takes any crap, FROM ANYONE? Chuck is going to knock the teeth out of this health care bill. Just you wait, liberals.

Chuck has put you on notice. You best pack your commie bags and get out of this town. Chuck’s coming after you, and don’t expect any mercy if you don’t heed the warning.
We know that Chuck has recently begun the not-badass practice of writing for Townhall, but don’t worry— he still rocks out with his karate word-sleuthing and drop-kick analyzing. This shit’s on. What does Dr. Kickass himself have to say about this health care deal?

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If You Could Read My Mind

By AustinJunkie, 11 November, 2009, 5 Comments
Maybe you’re one of the two or three people still watching the NBC drama Heroes. Remember the character Nathan Petrelli (http://votepetrelli.com/), fictional senator from New York? Of course you do — he can fly! How cool is that? What if your elected representative could fly — or had any ol’ superpower like, say, x-ray vision? Well, fictional Sen. Petrelli has nothing on real life US House Rep. John Shadegg (http://johnshadegg.house.gov/), R-AZ. You see, Rep. Shadegg possesses an extraordinary superpower (italics) — he can read the mind of babies.
Imagine, if you will, that you can read the mind of babies. Imagine the scientific breakthroughs, the revolution in communication, the sheer number of lives (italics) you could save by changing the way humans care for babies! A baby could tell you “hey, I’m about to kick the bucket from what you clowns call ‘Sudden Infant Death Syndrome,’ so how ’bout a little help here.” Or “I can’t hear anything, I think I might be deaf, not retarded, you fucking idiot parents!” Or even “if you don’t stop holding me like that I’m going to pee on you every time you change my diaper for the rest of my life, you bastard!”
But John Shadegg doesn’t have time for such trivia. He’s not interested in saving baby lives. He’s not even bothered if all babies everywhere pee on their diaper changers. No, Rep. Shadegg, upon realizing he can read a baby’s mind, seized upon something far more important to our nation’s future. He asked a baby, Maddie, the seven month old daughter of his chief of staff, what she thinks about the health care reform bill currently winding its way through the US Congress. Remarkably, in a twist unforeseen by even our nation’s greatest prognosticators, the baby’s views on health care reform mirrored almost exactly those of the minority Republican Party.
block quote
“Maddie knows if this bill passes, she knows her mom’s health care will go away and won’t be around for five years. If the bill passes then no more health care for her mom because it has to change. Maddie wants patient choice. She doesn’t want her mom’s premiums to go up. She doesn’t want her mom’s taxes to go up by $730 billion…She wants America’s health insurance companies to have to compete with each other. she believes in choices. but most of all, she says, don’t tax me to pay for health care that you guys want. If you want health care, pay for it yourself, because it’s not fair to pass your health care bills on to me and my grandchildren.”
What great lesson for mankind has this reader of babies’ minds taught us? Well, that the voting age should be lowered to six months, obviously. That school is pointless, as babies apparently learn by osmosis sophisticated concepts like how a bill becomes law. That babies are incredibly selfish and douchey, not unlike the fringe whackos who’ve taken over the Republican Party. And that communist indoctrination can’t start soon enough.

Maybe you’re one of the two or three people still watching the NBC drama Heroes. Remember the character Nathan Petrelli, fictional senator from New York? Of course you do — he can fly! How cool is that? What if your elected representative could fly — or had any ol’ superpower like, say, x-ray vision? Well, fictional Sen. Petrelli has nothing on real life US House Rep. John Shadegg, (R-AZ). You see, Rep. Shadegg possesses an extraordinary superpower — he can read the minds of babies.Stop smiling!

Imagine, if you will, that you can read the mind of a baby. Imagine the scientific breakthroughs, the revolution in communication, the sheer number of lives you could save by changing the way humans care for babies!

A baby could tell you “Hey, I’m about to kick the bucket from what you clowns call ‘Sudden Infant Death Syndrome,’ so how ’bout a little help here.”

Or “I can’t hear anything, I think I might be deaf, not retarded, you fucking idiot parents!”

Or even “If you don’t stop holding me like that I’m going to pee on you every time you change my diaper for the rest of my life, you bastard!”

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Recently Uncovered Caveats

By shortsshortsshorts, 9 November, 2009, 4 Comments

America’s favorite debate rages on, with costs becoming a major issue for Pete Sessions— Texas’ 32nd Congressional Hero, questionable fundraiser, and lady-lover.

Sessions ways in with the CAVEAT— as with health care reform, women, with their lady-needs, would cost as much as smokers to cover. Quote:

“Why should a woman pay more than a man?” asked New Jersey Democrat Frank Pallone, according to the Courthouse News Service.

“Well, we’re all different,” Sessions explained. “Why should a smoker pay more?” he said, before being interrupted.

You see? Women are like smokers, somehow. Mr. Sessions understands this. Why does Barack Obama hate women and love smoking so much?

Interesting Websites

By shortsshortsshorts, 5 November, 2009, 1 Comment

The Health Care bill has been getting a lot of guff over its proposed use of DEATH PANELS, which we are all painfully aware is written all over the damn thing. That is why there are incredible places to learn all about killing the bill that wants to kill your grandmother. It is entitled “don’tkillgrandma.com,” a magical place where photos, such as the one in this post, dissuade the evil Liberal anti-Nazi bill from coming into fruition. They point out that Communism has killed millions of people in the last century. It fails, however, to identify how many people Universal Health Care has killed in the last 50 years. Surely it is BILLIONS of people, because that is the complaint we hear all the time from the Canadians and the Dutch and the English and Whoever else has such a plan.

To wit:

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