We don’t know how Sarah Palin finds the time to read any and all newspapers and then turn around and know any and all of our Nation’s Founding Fathers, but it is true. If you see the video, above, please note that as we may talk about Sarah negatively sometimes, it is only because of our intellectual inferiority. Thank you.
ShortsandPants
Gore-Tex Quality for Political Audacity
Posts tagged ‘Glenn Beck’
We Are Surrounded by Idiots
HAPPY WEDNESDAY. Let’s get right to it. Glenn Beck is claiming that the Great Depression was actually in 1948, that Obama is like Hugo Chavez, and that in addition our POTUS wants to be a “slave master.”
If that’s not enough crazy to satisfy your Wednesday regimen, how about Sarah Palin believing that Iraq was responsible for 9/11 all the way up until her Vice-Presidential bid. Yes — retards are afoot. We just thought you should know.
VIDEO COMPILATION!!!11!!!!!:
Read More →
Glenn Beck To America: “Lying To You Causes Me Great Pleasure”
WINDBAGS! We love them. Apparently, a bunch of righty blogs, including freakish human Michelle Malkin, were throwing around rumors about how Senator Ben Nelson is being threatened with domestic terrorism if he does not vote for health care reform by closing down Nebraska’s Offutt Air Force Base, which would make for some fairly angry Nebraskans, we imagine.Luckily, this rumor was denied by just about every government official no earth. However, this is of no consequence to KING WINDBAG, Mr. Glenn Beck. Take it away, Glenn! It’s TREASON TIME:
Read More →
Glenn Beck to America: ‘I Am Hitler’
We have finally found UNEQUIVOCAL PROOF that Glenn Beck, America’s Prince, feels that he and only he is the rightful heir to Adolf Hitler’s Nazi throne. What is this proof you ask? Well, it’s complicated.
You see, Mr. Beck has been slandering people for some time now, in the name of justice, but this afternoon it seems as though he tipped his hand to the American people, by FLAGRANTLY MISPRONOUNCING A POLISH PERSON’S NAME.
The Piast Institute noted that Schakowsky’s name “is only three syllables long,” and that “its original spelling was altered to make it easy for English speakers to say.” And yet, the Michigan-based group adds, Beck “made a hash of pronouncing the surname.”
Beck’s seething hatred for the Poles is blindingly obvious. Indeed, who since Mr. Beck has shown such disdain for the Polish people? Oh, I don’t know, maybe it was Glenn Beck’s Official Spiritual Advisor (?) WHOSE NAME IS ADOLF HITLER!!!
And there’s your proof.
(HuffPo)
We Endorse Glenn Beck’s Controversial Endorsement of Various Stupid Products
We are entering a wonderful time in media— or rather returning to a wonderful time.
Yes, there were days when news anchors could incorporate a product into a story. For instance, if say, there is a robbery and the victim successfully defends his/her self, the anchor could say “yes, folks— the crime was avoided with America’s Most Reliable pistol, the ______ (insert gun here).”
Glenn Beck is now the poster child for this sort of advertising, and we embrace it. Let’s talk about “Goldline.”
Read More →
The Christmas Sweater
America’s Favorite Crybaby, Glenn Beck, released a movie all about…wait for it…Glenn Beck last Thursday.
If you’re like me you didn’t even know about it until you saw someone make fun of it on TV several days later. The movie was released for a one-time, $20 per ticket viewing Thursday night in hundreds of theaters across God’s America.
Unfortunately for the world’s most lachrymose man, almost nobody saw The Christmas Sweater — A Return to Redemption: a grand total of 17 tickets were sold in New York, 17 in Boston and a whopping 30 in Washington, DC.
The movie did better near Beck’s Mount Vernon, WA home, selling out hours beforehand in Lynnwood. But ten miles south in Seattle only 70 of 415 seats were sold.
For the life of me I can’t figure out why this movie didn’t do better at the box office. According to one reviewer, the movie “consists solely of Glenn Beck acting out every role in his hokey story.”
Read More →
Glenn Beck: International Sensation
Glenn Beck unites all people. Many flock to see his wisdom. He is not a serial murderer or rapist— but rather a commentator on society that is unmatched by his peers. He is “peerless,” you might say.
On this same canvas we must point out that Mr. Beck wrote a book. It is called “I pissed my sweater.” In it, he talks about growing up and family and what not. In his book, he probably recalls the first time he tied his testicles tightly together and applied hot coals to his buttocks. We are not sure, as we did not read it. HOWEVER, like everybody else on Earth, we are very excited to give you the following information!
Read More →
I Heartily Endorse This Event or Product
Ever wonder how Glenn Beck’s show stays on the air despite the fact that major advertisers have deserted him like so many rats on a sinking ship?
Well, wonder no more. Your Shorts & Pants has donned protective eyewear and gloves to delve deep below the garbage juice to find the captains of industry still proud to hawk their wares to the gullible, cretinous and downright credulous.
These are the companies so desperate for sales they don’t mind being associated with the man who called survivors of Hurricane Katrina “scumbags.”
Read More →
Glenn Beck is Loved By the World
HAHAHA!
From the New York Post:
Controversial Fox News host Glenn Beck is now travelling with an armed guard. Guests at the other day’s preview of Broadway musical “Memphis” noticed Beck was closely accompanied — even to the men’s room — by a bodyguard with a gun partially concealed under his jacket. Beck, who famously accused President Obama of being “a racist,” tweeted after the show: “Just got back from ‘Memphis’ on Broadway. Amazing cast & music. 2 songs abt Hope & Change. rlly? Only 2?” A rep for Beck declined to comment.
It must be hard to be most loved commentator in the Nation.
Ribbit?
HEAR THE RALLYING CRIES OF THE DEAD FROG, because of umm… freedom?
Taser of Wisdom: “Mad Men” Edition
Wow, another night of Emmy glory for a stylized retro TV series that feels like an endless movie, reveling in existential angst and meticulous attention to cultural and jet-set scenery details. Why, it is almost as though USAmerica has some taste, and the cojones to celebrate it.
The obvious disconnect – between the way things were and now are – is part of the show’s appeal. Smoking was omnipresent, drinking almost mandatory, material acquisitiveness the central drive – stoked by advertising – even while the characters who pursue that American Dream are revealed as empty and unfulfilled. The women are in bondage, and not just the girdles and corsets used to render them voluptuous. The men are all the same color, look alike, dress alike, and act alike, save for the one guy who sports a beard and doesn’t balk at hanging out with Negroes.
What is it about this show that draws so few viewers, yet sets the bar so high for achievement that it is annually judged the best TV drama? Is it a history lesson? A cautionary tale? A Biblical parable? A Shakespearean tragedy? A chance to review our collective past through a prism both overly rosy and foreboding?
And, most important: what does it tell us about Glenn Beck?
Read More →
