Posts tagged ‘Freedumb’

CPAC Proves To Be Object Of Alternate Universe: Ron Paul To Rule Alternate Universe With Iron Fist

By shortsshortsshorts, 21 February, 2010, 5 Comments

Oh.. Ron Paul. Two parts to a name that when joined together create a feeling of bliss and hope, like a choir of angels ejaculated into a cerebral cortex. It is right to still respect the man enough to say; “Yah! Down with the IRS, and HABEAS CORPUS FOR ALL FOREVER AND ALSO FOREVER ALSO maybe.”

We contest why Ron Paul is a favorite when it comes to this little ‘ere website. An enigma brought by scores of people wrapped in their own grip of destitution continues to breathe down the throats of the innocent shouldn’t be brought into the open flame to rape the minds of the other followers of Xenu. We must ask— how did this repugnant trolley-fucker bring himself so far out of the musk and dominate a fairly sizable portion of our population?

That is the point of today’s wonderful post. A subject you have probably already read. Ron Paul. Revolution 2012.

“Concerned Women For America” Experiments With Existential Literature In Anti-Health Care Reform Tyrade

By shortsshortsshorts, 9 December, 2009, 4 Comments

Let’s have a chat about “completeness.” What exactly makes somebody “complete?” Is “completeness” part of a greater “is?” Is the “is” actually an “is not?” ARE WE BEING DECEIVED? Concerned Women For America would like to address these questions. And if you haven’t experienced an existential crisis yet in this post, Concerned Womenz For America would like to point you in the direction of “completeness.”

When implemented, the complete lives system produces a priority curve on which individuals aged between roughly 15 and 40 years get the most substantial chance, whereas the youngest and oldest people get chances that are attenuated . . . the complete lives system justifies preference to younger people . . . Additionally, the complete lives system assumes that, although life-years are equally valuable to all, justice requires the fair distribution of them.

That’s from Dr. Ezekiel Emmanuel— Obama’s Special Advisor for Health Policy. Seems pretty straight forward, right? WRONG. The Concerned Ladies would like you to understand the truth of it all:

And Osama Got Away…

By shortsshortsshorts, 30 November, 2009, 2 Comments

Donald Rumsfeld, a man we all remember with great admiration, did his very best to catch this “Osama” figure in 2001. That is what he did. NO QUESTIONS.

Apparently the liberals in the “Senate” have endeavored to refute this truth. They are releasing “reports” that Osama was allowed to escape because the United States in its infinite message of war decided not to bomb something for one reason or another — Tora Bora.

“Osama bin Laden’s demise would not have erased the worldwide threat from extremists,” it concludes. “But the failure to kill or capture him has allowed Bin Laden to exert a malign influence over events in the region.”

Oh whatever, Democratically-controlled Senate. Everyone knows that Osama is 800 feet tall and continues to be immune to nuclear attack — so we should probably just give up on capturing him and focus on the real issues, such as bombing the hell out of the country he wasn’t in.

This Here is Los Angeles

By Reuben, 20 November, 2009, 4 Comments

This evil Los Angeles. Run down low life strip malls spread on and on between ethnic enclaves.
Youthful spirit and ignorance.

Pools upon backyard pools, while the desert sun spreads more youth through the holy trinity- yoga, plastic surgery, and pills – for all ages, at the end of the holy pilgrimage, manifest destiny for the soul, for the heart of America, for spreading our ways, our loves, our ideals across the US one blockbuster at a time, spreading our wars, our guns, and our babes across the whole world, reflecting a nation’s mad desires, spitting into the abyss of self-ignorance, passing off responsibility to the notions of freedom, enchanting the playboys with ford models, addicts with the streets, the border, the sex, the allure, the depression,
the grind of beauty against the axe of different modes of distribution, mass marketing appeal of the few who make the trek, who drink the water, who survive in the bungalows of Hollywood, or those who flee to the protection of the valley, from the wealth of Beverly Hills, the Huntington railroads, the giant octopus wrapping its beak around the face of diversity, happiness, and originality drinking the blood of the innocent like Vlad Dracula, the destroyer and invader of central Europe,
come one come all to the firework display of the red sun setting in fire to the million dollar trailer parks of Malibu, from blinking red lights of brakes upon brakes, 10 million folk sharing nothing, fighting for nothing, building nothing but impermanence in a desert of dreams.

MIKE HUCKABEE TO SAVE US ALL

By shortsshortsshorts, 9 November, 2009, 5 Comments

Nevermind the whore next to this post. This is the moment every American has waited for. You Euros who read the site (Analytics says it’s about half of you bastards) have no opinion over this stage of events. You do not understand the impact of Mike Huckabee, because he is very serious. But not only is he serious about being serious— he’s really fucking serious. We are very lucky in our altruistic agrarian Nation to have such a lad as Mike Huckabee running all over the fucking place gnashing his teeth and gritting at useless opportunities that only bring the apocalypse to the rest of us useless bastards. So he should probably run for President again— because of… Politico?

Stunning Business Seminars

By shortsshortsshorts, 21 October, 2009, 3 Comments

October 26, 2009— it may seem like a normal day to you. You wake up, walk your albino dragon, eat a hearty agrarian breakfast and shower under a crown of thorns. Yes— just another day. You have no idea that somewhere in this Nation a band of fools is coming together to poison the minds of the innocent, with “business talk.” You must understand, this is not “business talk” between average Joes. This is the cream of the crop of utter failure, with George W. Bush at the helm. This is the GET MOTIVATED BUSINESS SEMINAR in Fort Worth, and it is all sorts of bad.

God On the Field

By shortsshortsshorts, 1 October, 2009, 2 Comments

The finely screwed up balance between church and state is something that continues to plague Small Town America. It is the hottest issue since coat-hanger abortions became legalized in 1994 and marijuana prescriptions began for 5 year-old children in 1998. Now there is a different beast ruining our society — religious signs and chants during a high school football game.

Now, your ShortsandPants has talked about this sort of thing before. It is almost an anomaly at this point — BUT when the bullshit is thrown, it is our job to catch it. Here comes the funcooker!

Learn All About the Movement— Run For Your Lives

By shortsshortsshorts, 30 September, 2009, 5 Comments

The National Tea Party Coalition presents to you— INSANITY! Get your tin-foil hat out, because these “radicals” will stop at nothing to spread the word. Introducing the Conservative Radical University, a group founded by everybody’s favorite sore, Michael Patrick Leahy.

We should have seen this coming. One would think the ideas behind the ridiculous tea party platform would be fairly easy to grasp. For example:

1. Scream a lot.

2. Wave a sign in the air and shake your fist.

3. Make sure the sign says something like “GO BACK TO AFRICA,” and

4. Buy Michael Patrick Leahy’s book.

Easy enough, right?

Bachmann Friday

By shortsshortsshorts, 11 September, 2009, 4 Comments

We removed the video, which is still available at the link below.

Your ShortsandPants watched the entirety of the above-exchange and typed out the below summary as it was happening.

WoooWOOOo oOOOO!11 Bachmann speaks! She lies, all the time, forever— but that is not the issue here. It’s time for another one of those “Michele Bachmann asserts her views on political gain” posts.

Ron Paul Hates Federal Spending So Much that He Will Take More Money than Anyone Else

By shortsshortsshorts, 13 March, 2009, 1 Comment


Ron Paultard is mighty pissed! He voted against the Federal budget because it contained tons of wasteful spending, of course, but he still managed to secure more money for his constituents than any other member of the House. His reasoning?

American Heroes Deserve their Proper Treatment

By shortsshortsshorts, 12 March, 2009, 1 Comment

REPENTThis is just a short post inviting folks to join in on the commenting going on over here, as it is insane.  The editor has enjoyed trolling over there for a while. Stop on by and sit down! We’ll start the coffee for you.

Republicans Discover MIND-BLOWING Strategy to Winning Elections

By shortsshortsshorts, 10 March, 2009, No Comment

BUY THIS NOW. Finally, a light at the end of the tunnel for Republican swine:

Fair and Balanced— Fox News Releases List of Senate Money Whores

By shortsshortsshorts, 10 March, 2009, 4 Comments

FREE MONEY! TO PAY YOUR BILLS!Republicans were sure pissed about that $410 billion spending bill that was brought by the SOCIALIST regime of Barack Hussein Bin Laden Obama, but apparently they are SOCIALISTS as well:

Republicans do not Believe in Leadership— Decide to be Like 2004 Democrats

By shortsshortsshorts, 9 March, 2009, No Comment

"Wont you be my neighbor?"If you thought the Hindenburg disaster was a bad thing for the air-ship industry, you will probably also agree that the Republican party continues to fly on the Hindenburg, obsessively. Real Christians, if they are being holy, have a deep self-loathing that can only be solved by getting up on that air-ship again and riding it all the way to its fiery demise, somewhere in Nazi Germany. That is what was going on over at Fox News today, as Bill Kristol and his band of ugly whiners went over the best strategy for the coming months, de facto leadership!

Nobody seems to agree on how best to kill the party. Joe the Plumber decided that today would be the time to DEVOUR Michael Steele, while Rush Limbaugh propels himself into the 2012 POTUS election, where he will be narrowly defeated by Ron Paul, for no reason at all. They are a mess.

Follow the links to a disrupted love-hate relationship. Will Mark Foley step up or what?

Conservative T-Shirt Website is Hilarious and Offensive

By shortsshortsshorts, 2 March, 2009, 1 Comment

"Buck Farack."Do you like typing comments on places like “AOL” or “Redstate” in ALL CAPS!11!!!@? Are you a fan of “LOWER TAXES AND LEZ’ KEEP ‘DIM MESSICANS OWTTA OUR CUNTRY?”

Republican In-fighting Will Prove to be Ultimate SUCCESS for GOP

By shortsshortsshorts, 2 March, 2009, 2 Comments

NOM NOM NOMAs if CPAC could not have gotten more hilarious, it turns out that indeed, IT HAS!

Rush Limbaugh and Newt Gingrich are BATTLING for their lives. It appears the gentlemen cannot agree on whether Ronald Reagan should continue to be the party overlord, years after he is dead, or if they should move onto other dealings, such as cutting the capital gains tax (because nobody from the right has ever argued that before, like ever).

For the Conservatives, Black is the New White

By shortsshortsshorts, 27 February, 2009, 1 Comment

BUY THIS NOW. Sup yo. How are your conservative homies, gangsta?

Have you had to pull out your nine this week to cap some punk-bitch? Yes? WELL THAN YOU ARE A REPUBLICAN:

Alas! A new meme has crawled from the dusty man-orifice that is CPAC, but it didn’t come from a man! It came from Michelle Bachmann: