Never again will your Christmas be Merry. Never again will you make sweet love under the mistletoe. All of your hopes, dreams and ambitions will cease. Yes, ladies and gentlemen. This is the end of days.
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ShortsandPants
Gore-Tex Quality for Political Audacity
Posts tagged ‘fat bastard’
Irreconcilable Tragedies
MAP DAY: Red States and Obesity Are One in the Same
(Special thanks to Howard, David and JESUS THE SAVIOR for helping to compile the next 8 hours of information.)
Do you see the above? That is an electoral map of the 2008 election. As you can see, the black guy won. What does it all mean? Your ShortsandPants has performed TESTS, which is where we must begin. First, we begin with obesity.
The state-of-the-art solid-state analytic comparator here at YOUR SHORTSANDPANTS has worked overtime to deliver this analysis of Electoral College Voting and Obesity in the USA.
Short version: the redder you are, the fatter you are likely to be.
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Huffington Post Skirts the Truth About Southern Obesity
A study was done about fat bastards! It turns out they are numerous, and that 80% of them are in the South and Appalachian Mountains. What does that say about southerners, according to the Huffington Post? Let’s take a gander:
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MIKE HUCKABEE TO SAVE US ALL
Nevermind the whore next to this post. This is the moment every American has waited for. You Euros who read the site (Analytics says it’s about half of you bastards) have no opinion over this stage of events. You do not understand the impact of Mike Huckabee, because he is very serious. But not only is he serious about being serious— he’s really fucking serious. We are very lucky in our altruistic agrarian Nation to have such a lad as Mike Huckabee running all over the fucking place gnashing his teeth and gritting at useless opportunities that only bring the apocalypse to the rest of us useless bastards. So he should probably run for President again— because of… Politico?
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“Give to the Lord What the Lord Requires— and Give to Goldman as Goldman Requests”
Jesus said the headline, above. As stated by a certain Barclays Executive:
Barclays Plc Chief Executive Officer John Varley stood at the wooden lectern in St. Martin-in-the- Fields on London’s Trafalgar Square last night and told the packed pews of the church that “profit is not satanic.”
Verily I say unto thee — Jesus promoteth thy self-interest:
“The injunction of Jesus to love others as ourselves is an endorsement of self-interest,” Goldman’s Griffiths said Oct. 20, his voice echoing around the gold-mosaic walls of St. Paul’s Cathedral, whose 365-feet-high dome towers over the City, London’s financial district. “We have to tolerate the inequality as a way to achieving greater prosperity and opportunity for all.”
Strange Days of Journalism
Who the hell could predict when Mike Huckabee became not only the most forthright journalist in the country, but also the bastard-demagogue claiming its prompt demise? Nobody saw it coming, but here it is, in his own words. This—for some reason, acts as the single most important article of yesterday. Something like 8 million people sent this to every blogger/sodomite in the country. Mike Huckabee has no right to be in these affairs, and yet we feed the beast like bastions. In fact, we MADE the goddamn thing, so don’t get angry when Mike starts the “Huckabee Post” and is quickly lifted to the absolute TOP of the journalistic ladder. He’s our baby, you know.
But the point, and as Mr. Edgar sent to us this very morning, is that an actual apple fell from the tree— not a Huckleberry, but one of the best (or at least honest) press secretaries that was ever thrown out of a one term administration.
Colin Powell Intent on Fighting Limbaugh TO THE DEATH
Colin Powell is a lover of the truth. He is also a lover of the GOP. That’s why he’s tired of that bit, fat idiot, Rushell Limbaughkoff, dictating the party’s ideology. It is simple, you see. At some speech on Monday he decided to give up on trying and tell the truth.
In his own words:
“I think what Rush does as an entertainer diminishes the party and intrudes or inserts into our public life a kind of nastiness that we would be better to do without,” Powell said.
OH SNAP he just cold dropped his pads and started swingin’ like a madman. BUT HE’S NOT DONE, there. He even went so far as to start Nailin’ Palin:
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