Posts tagged ‘Berlin Wall’

Are We Not Rhinoceroses?

By , 10 November, 2009, 7 Comments

Once upon a time, Newt Gingrich was “a politician who in his private life [was] a seriously religious man but who [did] not make religious belief an upfront part of his political platform.” Well, thank the fuckin’ Lord those days are over!

Newt's in porcine form

Neut has apparently decided that his chances of becoming the Republican nominee for president are as slim as the those of Neut’s wife not being cheated on, by Neut, unless he starts banging the drum for The Lard and wearing his faith in Jesus on his sleeve.

And not only is Neut now a card-carrying member of the Jesus Brigade, he’s on a crusade to convince the world that Jesus caused the Berlin Wall and communism to crumble.  He even bored the pants off his acolytes Monday night by fatuously mumbling a speech he called “The Victory of the Cross: How Spiritual Renewal Helped Topple the Berlin Wall.” Yawn, right?

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Have You Never Been Mellow?

By , 10 November, 2009, 4 Comments

Jake Tapper has never been mellow. Not for him an audience with the president of the United States where he just talks about the boring stuff — like will 45,000 people a year continue to die because they don’t have health insurance?

Where have you gone, Olivia?

Who cares, right? Not not-mellow Jake, that’s for sure. He knows the real question real red-blooded Americans want the answer to is: will they go to jail if they don’t buy health insurance?

Win/Lose, Live/Die, Jail/No Jail — real Americans only understand absolutes — black and white, communism or capitalism, boxers or briefs.

The President said that he didn’t think the question over the appropriateness of possible jail time is the “biggest question” the House and Senate are facing right now. (Shhh…don’t tell Jake.)

But if you don’t penalize freeloaders with jail time then the obvious outcome will be free insurance for all the slackers, followed by the rebuilding of the Berlin Wall and finally communism sweeping across America until we’re all performing free abortions in gulags run by Nancy Pelosi and Stenny Hoyer!

Who will save us from the abortion gulags? Jake Tapper? Save us, Jake, you’re our only hope! (Hat tip to notorious horse meat connoisseur Chascates.)