Posts tagged ‘Barack Obama’

Pesky Domestic Initiatives To Be Cut For Three Years Pending Anarchy

By shortsshortsshorts, 26 January, 2010, 10 Comments

We are in a year of glorious decline, America, and what better way to commemorate the event then stopping various functions of affairs, eh? EHHH?? There is simply NO WAY Republicans can whine about this, right? It is nothing short of the Government giving tax payers back all of their money (but that would be SOCIALISM of course, so no dice).

President Obama will call for a three-year freeze in spending on many domestic programs and for increases no greater than inflation after that, an initiative intended to signal his seriousness about cutting the budget deficit, administration officials said on Monday.

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“Town Hall” Is Retarded

By shortsshortsshorts, 22 January, 2010, 5 Comments

There exists a place on the Internet where Conservatives can go to learn all sorts of things. “Town Hall” is not one of them. In fact, “Town Hall” is exactly what you see in the headline, above. They are INCREDIBLE AND PERFECT.

Why are we focusing on “Town Hall?” They have a little “post” about Barack Obama, and how he’s Ivy League scum. We would first like to point out that just because you go to an Ivy League school, you are certainly not “scum.” We would also like to point out that if any of the writers from Town hall went to an Ivy League school, we are surprised with reckless abandon.

They have a section called This is John Galt Speaking. It is like Tea Bagger heroin that flows endlessly into a mindless abyss. This is mostly the reason your Shorts & Pants must address the following headline:

Can Ivy League Obama Play a Populist?

“CAN IVY LEAGUE OBAMA BE A RETARD?” God we hope not.

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Millions Of Angry Americans Take Over Wall Street: Crying and Gnashing of Teeth Becomes Normal Behavior

By shortsshortsshorts, 15 January, 2010, 2 Comments

Why are you people so angry with bankers? GET OVER IT. There is obviously something wrong with you. Obviously, as our previous post suggests, there is a natural law in how money is aggregated to citizens. Do you know about “trickle down economics?” Of course you do! That’s when the rich people get a bunch of sweet cash, and the rest of you folks just, well, sort of wait for it to come to you. Doesn’t that sound AWESOME? YES. IT MOST CERTAINLY DOES.

Reaganomics, people. That’s the idea. The more sacrifices you make for the sake of a wealthier person, the better. We get to be serfs. Sweet, right? Who doesn’t like serfing with their money? (Oh god dammit the spell check says we aren’t serfing. Wait that means subjected economic slavery? Oh Lordy this is not good.)

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Germany Overcome With Idealism — Next Hitler To Follow

By shortsshortsshorts, 13 January, 2010, 1 Comment

What is with “ze Germans” and their desire for a strong political leader? While in the United States Tea Baggers are running around with their arms high in the air screaming racial gaffes, Germans are rolling over with joy at the thought of Barack Obama coming to their Nation and ruling them with an iron fist. This does not make sense.

“Ze Germans” have made a musical about Obama — and very surprisingly it’s not a comedy. In fact, it is supposed to “bring people together,” I.E. THE TRAINS WILL RUN ON TIME AND THEIR WILL BE GAS CHAMBERS EVERYWHERE. Granted, the show was written by a U.S. citizen, but that is of no matter when you have thousands of Frankfurters just ITCHING to get through the door.

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What Will YOU Get the President For Christmas?

By shortsshortsshorts, 22 December, 2009, 1 Comment

World Net Daily asks the tough questions, everyone. Not all the options are below, but you may wish to CONSIDER what is provided. Should we deport Obama or Tea Bag his face?

Your Editor is working on getting our President “a different country to destroy,” as Bush did a fairly bang-up job on this particular one.

HAPPY TUESDAY.

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Moonie Times Poll: ‘Do You Want Barack Obama To Eat Your Money?’

By shortsshortsshorts, 14 December, 2009, No Comment

Sun Myong Moon has asked a question of great relevance. He is truly to be revered. What does the Washington Times bring to us, this day?

“Should President Obama sign the $1.1 trillion spending bill?” HMMM??? Excellent question, dear overlords. How will the People respond?

Response Percent Votes
Yes 1% 168 votes
No 97% 13961 votes
Undecided 0% 30 votes
Other 0% 139 votes
14298 total votes

Yes— everybody in the United States (minus a hundred or so) firmly object to any sort of “spending” by the Federal Government. The old saying goes “As goes the Washington Times, so goes the Nation,” correct?

But that’s not the only part of this information that must be quickly bestowed on all mankind. There are comments that require your immediate attention, dear reader.

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Journalism!!!

By Dana, 9 December, 2009, No Comment

obamawoods

From, der, The Fox Nation.

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Chris Matthews Makes Dumb Comment— Entire World Takes Him out of Context and Attacks Him

By shortsshortsshorts, 2 December, 2009, 1 Comment

Chris Matthews is an idiot. He has moments of utter clarity, but we still stand by that statement. Chris Matthews=Idiot. He is currently being attacked by America’s Favorite Wingnut (K-Lo), who would probably wish nothing more than to see our President curbed. BUT THAT”S NOT ALL. Even Media Matters is in agreement.

Your ShortsandPants disagrees. Everyone in the world is just being pissy about him saying West Point was an “enemy camp.” Not only did Chris say it in passing— he was talking about it being a POLITICAL enemy— not a fucking physical force to be reckoned with. God dammit, Media Matters— how could you take the bait on this one? And if any of you morons think Matthews didn’t have a reason to say that— go to this link and shut up. ENOUGH OF THIS BUSINESS.

UPDATE: Wonkette Commenter “queeraselves” has said something on this subject that is worth bringing over here.

“Y’all are missing the most important question of the day: what does K-Lo think of Meghan’s bodacious tatas?”

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Terrible Failure Wishes to Put Obama Administration On Trial— Millions of Americans Say “Meh”

By shortsshortsshorts, 17 November, 2009, 1 Comment

Mike Huckabee! The HERO! The opportunist! Yes, good ‘ol Huck has found a new calling— gibberish. He loves him some of that sweet, sweet gibber. For example, he was in Orlando talking foreign policy with Mickey Mouse and domestic policy with Walt Disney’s corpse, when he came up with a revelation about putting suspected/alleged terrorists on trial within the Nation’s borders. He calls it “accountability.” We call it “bullshit,” but you can be the Judge.

“Well, I think it’s absurd, and I think the Obama administration will be as much on trail as Khalid Sheikh Mohammed,” said Huckabee.

Honestly, Mike— did you really just say that?

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Orly Taitz: The Crusade Against the Sane

By shortsshortsshorts, 12 November, 2009, 5 Comments

Wilson Edgar, a person who frequents this NEWLY IMPROVED FANCY WEBSITE, keeps sending tips that lead to the black hole known as Orly Taitz. We do not know why, and therefore cannot explain why he keeps doing this (he wants to shag Orly Taitz, we assume,) but nonetheless, Orly is sprayed all over your Editor’s inbox. She is literally everywhere.

To counteract this trend, we have combined a number of these tips into a little post “Orly Takes: The Crusade Against the Sane.” Thus we are doing our fair bit of poetic justice.

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The Hodge-Podge of Fuckery

By shortsshortsshorts, 16 October, 2009, 6 Comments

HERE IT IS! An account of the protests of October 15, 2009.

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There are moments in anybody’s life where you walk the line between the sane and insane — where putting yourself into a situation so full of bullshit might actually drag you into a less-then-noble cause that you didn’t even see coming. Imagine being surrounded by so many diametrically opposed view points that it’s hard to distinguish which side ANY of them were really on.

Many Tea Parties have been exactly that — “Tea Parties,” but as your Editor and his humble but genius friend experienced on that fateful evening of October 15, this is not always the case.

These people are fucking cannibals. They are nothing short of man-flesh-eating wombats sent from the Mayans to initiate the end of days. We dealt with more crazies than should ever be allotted to anybody for any period of time — and survived.

Any asshole with a mouth on their face had no problem telling you all about their cause. It is the most compelling argument against Freedom of Assembly that has ever been made.

This was a 5 tier protest. You had the Freepers (obviously) garbed with signs reading simply amazing things — but they were far from alone. Down the block, some even intermingled, were the anti-war people. They even had a band! (No I did not get a photo of that). All in all they were insane.

BUT WE CANNOT STOP THERE! Behind the anti-war protesters were the Global Warming folks. They were all wearing red tee-shirts and were honestly the laziest demonstrators your Editor has ever seen. They just stood around in a circle with their signs stating “STOP GLOBAL WARMING” strewn together against a concrete divide. It was sad.

Around the bend from the Global Warming people were the BEST 9/11 TRUTHERS EVER, covered with microphones and screaming things that sounded about as insanely powerful as The Battle Hymn of the Republic. Not only were they loud, they were armed with pamphlets and pandering like mad homeless dogs. Sound like fun? WELL HERE ARE THE PHOTOS (taken with a cell phone, of course.)

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Guess Who is Going to the Tea Party Protest in San Francisco Tonight?

By shortsshortsshorts, 15 October, 2009, 5 Comments

YOUR FUCKIN’ EDITOR, THAT’S WHO.

Yes, this is a special day for everyone. From 4 to 8 p.m. your ShortsandPants’ own shortsshortsshorts will be walking among the piles of people at the St. Francis Hotel for Obama’s one day “Presidential” visit, IF WE CAN EVEN CALL HIM THE PRESIDENT.

Let’s explore what your Editor will be taking photos and video of this evening, for sport:

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This is Our Thousandth Post

By shortsshortsshorts, 14 October, 2009, 3 Comments

CELEBRATE WITH US! It has only been since mid-February of this year and ALREADY your Editor, with the help of many “friends” and “Internet People” has come up with this— your ShortsandPants Thousandth Post Commemorative Issue. IT IS MORE SPECIAL THAN ANY OTHER POST! Do you know why? NUMBERS, of course! So we will celebrate this holy and fateful post with everybody’s favorite bummer— Afghanistan!

First— a brief history of Afghanistan.

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Questionable Journalism

By shortsshortsshorts, 7 October, 2009, 3 Comments

There is nothing more refreshing then unsubstatiated claims from unreliable sources to start your day off right— and Anne Leary, the writer for “Backyard Conservative” understands this. It is, after all, a stunningly accurate news source that contains headlines such as Will Obama Deny Bill Ayers’ Accusation? and Palin is Tweaking You, Lefties. Clearly there is absolutely no reason for somebody like “Anne Leary” to fudge a conversation with Bill Ayers that she had in some lonely airport in D.C. where Bill Ayers allegedly claimed he wrote “Dreams From My Father,” a terrible book written by our Socialist President.

This woman’s lies are gathering tread, of course, as they are now ruining the minds of the many in such places as HotAir and Lucianne— two of the most reliable websites known to mankind.

Here is how the tip came to us, from David.

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“War on Terror” Finally Over— Will Now be “Overseas Contingency Operations”

By shortsshortsshorts, 25 March, 2009, 2 Comments

For the last seven years, the United States has enjoyed having its civil liberties railed in the ass the “War on Terror,” which was a shapely mechanism used to describe how we would be at war, with everyone, forever.The phrase remained a highlight of the Bush administration, like “evil doer,” or “fool me once–shame on… you?”

Apparently the phrase has stepped outside its scope of use, however, and will now be retired. THIS MEANS THE WAR IS OVER. HOORAY!!!!!1!

There’s a new phrase in town, and it is both MIGHTY and POWERFUL (or at least logistically feasible). It’s “overseas contingency operations,” and it’s coming to a middle eastern country (not) near you, so don’t even worry about it!

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Obama SLAMS the Special Olympics— Will not Extend Bailout to the Retarded

By shortsshortsshorts, 19 March, 2009, 2 Comments

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OH NOS! The President is a MENTALIST.

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With Full Confidence

By Reuben, 16 March, 2009, 1 Comment

On March 3rd, Barry, the Sultan of Dollars, said, “buying stocks is a potentially good deal if you’ve got a long term perspective (i.e. Now may be a good time to buy stocks).”

Did you listen?

The markets sure have.

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