Posts tagged ‘Asshats Galore’

Michele Bachmann Is So Not Full Of Rhetorical Bullshit, You Guys

By , 22 January, 2010, 1 Comment

We do not know how Michele Bachmann continues her rein of terror across these United States, but yes, she does. After calling for a “Prosperity Bill” yesterday (a bill that would obviously instill prosperity), she is now jumping on the “Declaration of Healthcare Independence” train. This train will depart sometime next week, so we suggest you HOP ON before it’s too late.

The only issue we have is that there is no such god damn thing as a “Declaration of Healthcare Independence,” and anybody who shows up for her announced event must be lashed repeatedly. Take note, readers. YOU WILL BE LASHED.

Here is a terrible thing for you to listen to if you are into that masochism-type stuff:

The FEMA Death Camps can’t come soon enough.

Climate Change Summit to Single-Handedly Melt Ice Caps

By , 7 December, 2009, No Comment

As our world leaders become more environmentally conscience at the Wonderful Copenhagen Climate Summit, we must remember that sacrifices must be made by all in order to combat global warming. That is why our best and brightest are doing their part in reducing any impact— and every front.

Let’s take this for an example. The headline reads “Copenhagen climate summit: 1,200 limos, 140 private planes and caviar wedges.” See? There are REQUIREMENTS for making the earth a better place— such as proper transportation. There is no point in talking about our world’s hopeless future when you have to spare such things as “expenses” and “environmentally detrimental practices.” No, readers. The climate is more important than that.

Read More →

MIKE HUCKABEE TO SAVE US ALL

By , 9 November, 2009, 5 Comments

Nevermind the whore next to this post. This is the moment every American has waited for. You Euros who read the site (Analytics says it’s about half of you bastards) have no opinion over this stage of events. You do not understand the impact of Mike Huckabee, because he is very serious. But not only is he serious about being serious— he’s really fucking serious. We are very lucky in our altruistic agrarian Nation to have such a lad as Mike Huckabee running all over the fucking place gnashing his teeth and gritting at useless opportunities that only bring the apocalypse to the rest of us useless bastards. So he should probably run for President again— because of… Politico?

Read More →

Interesting Websites

By , 5 November, 2009, 1 Comment

The Health Care bill has been getting a lot of guff over its proposed use of DEATH PANELS, which we are all painfully aware is written all over the damn thing. That is why there are incredible places to learn all about killing the bill that wants to kill your grandmother. It is entitled “don’tkillgrandma.com,” a magical place where photos, such as the one in this post, dissuade the evil Liberal anti-Nazi bill from coming into fruition. They point out that Communism has killed millions of people in the last century. It fails, however, to identify how many people Universal Health Care has killed in the last 50 years. Surely it is BILLIONS of people, because that is the complaint we hear all the time from the Canadians and the Dutch and the English and Whoever else has such a plan.

To wit:

Read More →

Fox Continues War on Christmas and Everything That is Holy

By , 23 October, 2009, No Comment

Obama, Pelosi Agree on One

Government-Run Option — Lunch

While the White House would not disclose the meal served or the topics discussed, the choice was surprising for a president whose star power sparked hope among Washington’s dining establishments that he would venture beyond downtown more than his recent predecessors.

What the hell kind of a headline is this? HEY-YO! It’s a pun/joke/something of some kind! Are you laughing? Supposedly, this article is news, NOT a column, so you would think, as anybody would think, that nothing would be taken out of context and placed on the red-eye plane to retardation— but lo, you are incorrect.

Fox continues its War on Everybody with what seems to be ever more Nixonian and ever more outrageous. Why do we feed these scum?

Read More →

Bloody Narcissism

By , 2 October, 2009, 2 Comments

Do you love Rick Santorum? DO YOU JUST LOVE RICK SANTORUM? Does your family love him? Do your pets beg for his nourishment? Are you in awe of him on a daily basis? Do you have an idol of him on your mantle? Do you whole-fully regret that he was defeated so badly— the worst defeat of an incumbent since 1980? ARE YOU CRYING KNOWING THAT?

Rick Santorum is in love with himself. He is Googling himself everyday, and there are many results! He is the most popular person on the Internet, according to Rick Santorum.

Read More →

Taser of Wisdom: “GOP’s DOWN SYNDROME” EDITION

By , 29 September, 2009, 4 Comments

No WONDER Nobody Sees The Elephant In The Room.... It's Barely THERE!While it is certainly too early to prognosticate the results of the 2010 elections more than a year before they happen, it is equally certain that the GOP’s current state of affairs doesn’t bode well for a breakthrough any time in the immediate future. 

All the blustery GOP hot air about a comeback in the next election cycle is merely an attempt to distract the gullible from noticing the facts on the ground, as they stand today. Soothsayers have for centuries warned that “the end is nigh.” GOP stalwarts might want to start paying attention to the foreboding omens all about them, because this political dinosaur is on the verge of extinction, and seems to be just about as aware of its own impending mass evaporation as were the raptors of old. 

Let’s take a look at the detritus all around us, shall we? Because this party – that should have nowhere to go but up – is about to get shellacked into oblivion.

Read More →