The point of all of this is that Your Editor will be out of commission as your ShortsandPants bequests to find the meaning of it all. Sacrifices will be made in the sake of this Great Holiday, and for that, we thank the…pilgrims?
EAT YOUR TURKEY. Did we mention guns and war?
Is there nothing more beautiful than war? Does it make you want to sing and dance, to croon “Oh what a beautiful morning…” in the shower? Do you love the smell of napalm in the morning? If you answered no, yes and yes then have I got a boyfriend for you — Rudy Giuliani!
Rough Rudy loves war more than chocolate chip cookies and Jesus juice combined. In fact, if Rudy G. could be at war 24/7, 365 days a week for the rest of his life he’d put a diaper on so he wouldn’t have to stop to pee. That’s how much he loves war.
Of course when Attorney General Eric Holder announced that he was bringing some evil terrorists to trial in New York City, Rudy had a sad. He hates the Constitution so much that he said our justice system is geared to let guilty people go free. And as a former US District Attorney for Manhattan, Rudy knows all about letting guilty people go free. One of his best friends is a free guilty person. Unfortunately for Rudy, Bernie Kerik is about to be an unfree guilty person, having finally been convicted in a court of law. That was the one time our justice system totally fucked up and didn’t let a guilty person go free.
