Good afternoon Internet! I’m sitting here in my small, DIY studio (late rent) listening to depressing economic news on the Public Radio and I’m feeling a little inspired. In between reading funnies, obsessively checking my Facebook news feed and re-lighting cigarettes I’m also venturing into the deepest, darkest, muskiest tubes that comprise the internet. I’m talking about www.michellemalkin.com.
I’ll give you the dirty details below the fold.
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Ho ho! I bet you thought you’d seen the last of your resident hobo once he found Gainful Employment (!) bar tending at the local, overrated, shabby video arcade for grown-ups. But nope! I’ve got more to say. Because low-and-behold some kinds of jobs are the kinds of jobs we all could do without. Follow me below the fold for hobo ruminations.
Well, hello there! It’s been quite a while since I spouted some nonsense here and I know you all miss my fractured grammar and run-on sentences. So I’m here to share some final hobo musings with you as this is my last official day of hobo life. Tomorrow I resume my life as a productive (if not a little mischievous) member of society. I’d like to speak a little about the roll booze plays in this.
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GASP! Ohmygawd! I barely made it out of that there alive. I almost asphyxiated on some poorly shaven nuts! Okay! That was crazy and I’m a littlebittadrunk so I’ll keep this post shorts (get it?).
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Oh, hi there! Maybe you’ve all heard about this new, sexy thing the cool kids are doing these days called “teafucking” or “bagsucking” or “biblehumping” or “something.” Anyways, there are big, exciting republican orgies scheduled to take place in public around the country next Wednesday.
I went to one of these recent displays of ignorance and chlamydia and HO BOY WUZ THAT FUN!!! I will be attending the upcoming Seattle festivities because of the off-chance I’ll get to hang my sack on some libertarians goatee. I will bring my camera and ask them questions. Do you have something you’d like the Hobo to ask? Leave it in the comments.
Sample question: not counting the day you were born, how many times have you been in contact with female genitalia?
It’s the Hobo KevoTron here with another ‘Special Comment’:
To all y’all liberal pricks picking on my girl Shelly over this Binghampton sadness: just hold it on up for a sec.
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Oh, hi there everybody! Your Hobo in Resident is getting a little groggy from job hunting. I just brewed a fresh pot of coffee and I’m on the mend! I’d like to share some wonderfully cheap and healthy meals I’ve discovered/invented in the last few weeks. Grab yer eatin’ spoon and yer sittin’ bucket and come on over cause I just threw some fresh garbage on the barrel fire!
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Oh hi there! KevoTron the hobo has been quite a busy guy lately. I had a fantastic weekend on the cheap thanks to some very generous friends. I’ve tried to occupy my time with job searching, helping a friend move other types of nonsense but I can’t avoid the goddamned television.
It’s terrible and vapid. I suffer from a strange form of mental illness. I cannot eat food alone without the television on. As a result I’m forced to watch daytime television for as much as an hour everyday. I have become an authority on TeeVee Judge shows in the last month. I’d like to talk about this for a while. Join me below the jump!
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Well a very happy hobo Wednesday to all my friends on the breadline! I know it’s been a while since we talked soup and beans but it’s a crazy life your hobo leads! I was originally penning out a post on the camera phone guy that Malkin et al were bleeding anally over last week. The post was turning into a vicious, angry diatribe so I saved it as a draft and am starting over. Join me for some new hobo tips after the jump!
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I graduated from High School ten years ago. The whole business suit and 9 to 5 thing? I couldn’t really be bothered. For years I worked as a waiter and bartender frolicking from paycheck to paycheck and bouncing checks across the land. Rarely did my antics impress anyone. I was mostly regarded as a troublemaker who was too smart for his own good.
After college I continued bartending and causing mayhem for my yuppie neighbors until I succumbed to the pressures of having a BA going unused. I took the business suit route and gave up the luxury of sleeping in for steady pay. I even got to wear ties sometimes. (fun!)
Hello dear reader:
Very soon you will be a downtrodden sod like me and it behooves you to listen to this wisened, street-smart hobo. Get out your cookin’ stick and your eatin’ spoon because KevoTron is opening up some baked beans!
Lately that bottle of Draino under the sink has been looking pretty appetizing. While walking through the park last weekend I scoped out a perfectly livable boxcar. The days are starting to meld and I have trouble keeping track of the time. That’s because I’m unemployed in the glorious new millenium.
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Last Friday the Invisible Hand showed me the exit door. Without getting too much into it the beastly free market bent me over and fucked me until I said “I love you” only to never call me again. It was in this spirit of rugged individualism and frontier mentality that I confronted my new state of employment when I went to Malkin’s site (for the free pr0n). What did I find?
Malkin was promoting “civil disobedience” scheduled for President’s day in Westlake Park – four blocks from my apartment.
On any given weekend you can visit this park and watch all manner of functional idiots protesting everything from gays to Mooslums to THE SLAUGHTER OF 50 MILLION UNBORN CITIZENS!!!1!
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I have a problem. I am hopelessly addicted to wingnut sites. Malkin, Redstate, LGF, Worldnetdaily…. I love them all. There is a special caliber of crazy that is evident in the ALL CAPS NO PUNCTUATION LACK OF CONTEXT comment that is captivating. Somebody smarter than I should plug them into a super computer and see what comes out. My guess: a recipe for deep-fried Twinkies.
With that introduction I’d like to present some of the finer handles and comments I’ve found in the past few months in various dank, smelly caves around the internet.
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Michelle Malkin is OUTRAGED that Julio the McDonalds kid is getting some attention after his meth-induced tribute to Obama in Ft. Myers, Florida yesterday.
You see people as esteemed as Malkin do not lower themselves to the level of cheap, political theatrics. Malkin would never (EVAR!) extol the virtues of a person like Sarah Palin, Joe the Plumber or Matt Sanchez for reasons of minor political gain.
Nope. Not Michelle Malkin. Everything’s always on the up-and-up at her blog. So I knew I could count on Michelle to launch a noble tirade against an excitable and mildly retarded Obama supporter. Because “political kabuki”? She will have none of that.
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