Our beloved Shorts and Pants operative K. (who is also my cousin) took this photograph today while she was at the dentist’s office. The note in her e-mail read, “If I could have stolen the sign for you, I would have.” She would have. FOR AMERICA.
My cousin is the most wonderful person in the world. (Oh, and by the way—Dr. Taitz isn’t her dentist. She goes to Dr. Miller.)
It’s my 30th birthday today, so I’m now officially “old.” At least I’m not as old as Pat Buchanan, though! Did you hear what he said on Rachel Maddow’s show recently?
Well, I think white men were 100% of the people who wrote the Constitution, 100% of the people who signed the Declaration of Independence, 100% of the people who died at Gettysburg and Vicksburg, probably close to 100% of the people who died at Normandy. This has been a country built, basically, by white folks in this country, who were 90% of the entire nation in 1960, when I was growing up, Rachel.
Really, he did! And he also talked about how the Republican party “ought to defend the legitimate rights of white, working-class folks.” Yes, indeed! Watch the video, if you can stomach it, after the jump:
Whew! Your associate editor, PantsPantsPants, has been spending a lot of time today thinking about America’s broken health-care system! What an exciting opportunity we have, as Americans, to join hands and then cough all over each other! Oh say can you see, by Purell’s early light!
Look at this nice fellow! He’s all dressed up in a black shirt and a black Helly Hansen jacket, looking like the love child of Robert Smith and Nanook of the North! Oh, it says that he was the “Former Almost Son-In-Law of the Greatest American Hero, Sarah Palin.” I’ve read on other websites that he and Oma Sarah didn’t get along too well. No sir! That’s why it doesn’t surprise me—and shouldn’t surprise you—that he blames Sarah’s “quitting her job as governor of Alaska” not on the liberal media, or the HATERZ, or DailyKos, or whatever, but on the fact that I’m sorry, you can’t afford Bruno Magli shoes on a governor’s salary, people!
“Ladies and gentlemen, I ask you this: do I look like a teabagging redneck to you?”
Um, yes? Or is that a rhetorical question?
“Delroy Murdock Speaks to Janeane Garofalo” (CNINTruth.com, whatever that is)
Republicans: they’re classy! Like, for example, when they’re all, “Barack Obama is a MAGIC NEGRO who will come to your house and rape all your white women!” Or when they say things like, “Barack Hussein Barry Negro O’bama is a MUSLIN TERRORIST!” Ha ha, funny! I giggle.
In his bid to be the funniest Republican ever, though, South Carolina Republican activist Rusty DePass (PORN NAME ALERT!!!) just raised the bar in the jokes department. It’s pretty amazing, what he said. Read on!
Tommy, can you hear me? Can you feel me near you?
Check below the jump for an awesome screenshot of Tommy, mid-rant!
Well, howdy, folks! It’s me, pantspantspants! I’ve been off cavorting with hot Latina Supreme Court nominees (read: working) for the past two weeks, but now I’m back in “full swing.”
Let’s just take a moment to look at the picture of that HOTTIE WITH A NICE BODY on the right. Who is ol’ Cherub McBabyface, you ask? Well, he’s just one of the “conservatives” who is running for chairperson (read: chairMAN) of the Minnesota Republican party. Would you like to find out more about him? And perhaps get a peek into his alleged repressed, latent homosexuality? Oh, I knew you would!
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As someone with hearing problems, I’m often accused of speaking too loudly. I embarrass people at restaurants and probably come across as sounding like an obnoxious oaf most of the time. But—really!—I’m loud…well…because I can’t really hear that well.
It’s a good thing, then, that I’m a straight white guy and not a Latina who has been nominated for the Supreme Court, because BOY OH BOY, my “loudness” might be mistaken for “tenacity,” and that just might get me in trouble with some of the nation’s top Conservatives! In an article that most definitely should not have made the front page of the New York Times‘ online section, as bunch of asshole “conservatives” bitch about “Maria” Sotomayor’s fiery Latin temper. Let’s take a gander, shall we?
This is the new #1 top smash hit of all time, in America!
“The consequence of same-sex marriage: sex with ducks” (Salon.com)
Hi! You all haven’t heard from me in a while because it’s crunch time here at work. I’ll be back in full swing next week!
Until then, that Sarah Palin, ain’t she somethin’? Apparently, she wore a mini-skirt to a somber Memorial Day event! And her husband tried to bribe their daughter! And her not-future-son-in-law has a new interview out, along with some risqué pictures! Really!
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Hi ho! I’m about to head off for a good night’s rest before enjoying a well-deserved Memorial Day weekend, but I just wanted to draw your attention to something pretty exciting. As you may have read on this website and on Teablogging.net (that’s “dot-net,” Olbermann, get it right next time!), tea party organizer Michael Patrick Leahy planned a tea party rally in Murfreesboro, TN today. And how many people were at that rally, you ask? 100,000? 200,000? 1,000,000? More than that?
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It’s been a crazy week, so “Your Daily WTF?!?!” isn’t necessarily daily, or even WTF. Today’s entry, however, reminds us all exactly why the expression “WTF?!?!” was created. Any guesses? Anyone? Anyone? How about the bastion of left-leaning socialism known as the Catholic Church?
Michael Patrick Leahy, who is allegedly suing everyone in the universe, was featured on Keith Olbermann’s program on MSNBC last week. Let’s watch the clip, shall we?
Why is Keith Olbermann not being sued? WHY?!?!?! I will leave that to you to discuss in the comments.
And, as an update, remember that really cool, un-spellchecked complaint against Stephanie that he had posted on his website, then took down, then we posted on ShortsandPants, for posterity? Well, guess what? It’s back up! Unfortunately, though, the .pdf is only one page long. Do you think it’s just a teaser? Is someone proofreading the other pages as we speak? HOLY GOD JEEBUS, the computers are so hard to use these days!
There’s not much to say about Obama’s weekend speech at Notre Dame, except that the protesters brought forth a new level of crazy:
As Mr. Obama departed, his motorcade passed a few dozen protesters shouting at an intersection and holding signs that showed fetuses and said things like “Notre Dame spiritually sold out.” Others approaching campus for the ceremony were likewise greeted by photographs of mangled fetuses.
Many demonstrators had no affiliation with Notre Dame. “You’re not a Christian university,” shouted Mona Wenger, 54, who said she was not Catholic. “You have invited the worst baby killer in the nation.”
These people—honestly—can go jump in a pit full of alligators infected with AIDS.
“At Notre Dame, Obama Calls for Civil Tone in Abortion Debate” (New York Times)
As some of you know, I was an English major in college. I am also a Defeatocrat. That’s why this story gives me kind of a slight boner, for America! According to intrepid reporter Sean Cockerham:
The blog Conservatives4Palin is claiming that Wasilla High School disinvited Gov. Sarah Palin from speaking tonight at the graduation ceremony that includes her own daughter, Bristol.
It turns out that the real story isn’t nearly as exciting as you’d want it to be, though it is pretty damned exciting!
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Yesterday, America’s most important journalist, Stephanie, uncovered $150,000 worth of tax liens against national tea party organizer Michael P. Leahy and his wife, Debye. You can read the documents on Teablogging.net, the Pulitzer-prizewinning website!
After reading Stephanie’s story, I wanted to dig a little deeper. More specifically, I wanted to make sure that Michael and his wife, Debye, would not become the victim of tea party wackos who were now furious with their leader for once again poisoning the tea, so to speak, with his own personal foibles. What I discovered is terrifying, and I am already concerned for Mr. Leahy’s safety. You will be, too!
Here we are, in the midst of a recession! Yay! While all of you poors are eating hobo beans and giving handjobs for crack, some of us made very careful investments in the late 1990s.
If you need me, I’ll be lighting Cuban cigars with $1,000 bills.
“World of Beanie Babies” (Everything is Terrible)
