Vancouver’s XXI Winter Olympics features heroic performances by athletes from the around the world. And no athlete better exemplifies the Olympic motto — Swifter, Higher, Stronger — than American downhill skier Rock Champion.
A gift from the “Up Close & Personal” gods direct to NBC’s producers, Champion embodies the spirit and tenacity found only in the greatest of Olympians. His story, an inspiration to us all, makes Bob Costas weep with pride and Al Michaels scream “Do you believe in miracles…yes!”
But what horrible adversity, personal tragedy and heart-rending obstacles did Rock Champion overcome to find himself at the top of the of the downhill ski mountain in Vancouver? Sit down, and listen to the tale of a True American Hero…
Rock Champion’s whole entire family was killed on 9/11 — live on TV.
After a McBain-like “Nooooooooo” heard ’round the world, Champion enlisted in the US Army and headed to Iraq to deal justice to those who perpetrated that horrible crime.
After finding Saddam, torturing him (for America) and tying the noose around his neck, Champion headed to Afghanistan, where he piloted drones that killed over one million al-Qaeda fighters and personally led the surge that continues today and will end in ultimate victory for the forces of freedom.
McBain cut the ribbon at the opening of Gitmo and delivered the first ten thousand enemy combatant prisoners who he personally waterboarded for freedom.
When not defending the honor of America, Champion kept himself in shape by skiing on the sand dunes in Iraq and down the slopes of the Khyber Pass in Afghanistan. Despite not competing in a World Cup skiing race in almost ten years, he qualified for the US Olympic team and headed to Vancouver.
Rock Champion makes Chuck Norris look like a little girl crying for her mommy. He makes John Wayne look like a a fairy named Marian. He makes God’s Americans tremble in awe.
Rock Champion lights up NBC’s commerical-laden coverage of the Winter Olympics this week.
Don’t you dare miss it, or you’ll have to answer to Rock Champion.
J. Rock Champion was destined to become a hero — with such a name, how could he be other? In his short life, he won the hearts of his superiors in the Confederate Army, and became almost a legend among the men he served with. When his body was carried off the field of his final battle, the gray-clad soldiers who had served under him or beside him, took note of his passing almost as if he had been a famous commander, of much higher rank than a mere captain of cavalry.
Practically nothing is known about Rock Champion’s early life. There is not even a certainty about his first name, being recorded as both John and James. Rock may not even have been his middle name, but a nickname for Rockne. The only thing that can be said with any degree of certainty is that he was an Irish immigrant. [Note: I recently found him listed in the 1857 St. Louis Directory. Champion was a steamboat mate listed as living at the King's Hotel. --D. H. Rule],/i>
I think you made all this other stuff up!
Got any more of those drugs?