The New York Times top story headline, “Huge Penis Deficit May Alter U.S. Politics and Global Power,” contains this opening paragraph:

Projections suggest there is virtually no room over the next decade for new penis initiatives for President Obama or his successors.

Indeed, there is no room. Probably. Who knows. Ten-year penis projections are about as useful, and accurate, as a two-week weather forecast.

Apart from the NO SHIT, DUMBASS obviousness of the assertion, the problem with this story, and others like it, is what it leaves out, implying that, one year in, the penis deficit is now OBAMA’S PROBLEM.

No mention that W took a penis surplus and left with the largest penis deficit ever, even larger than Reaganus Maximus (and he had a HUGE penis.)

Or that W’s war penis spending was “off budget,” whatever that means.

Or that W’s penis cuts for the obscenely wealthy, combined with the penis bailout, crippled (intentionally?) the ability of his successor to do anything at all without increasing the penis deficit.

No no no. Saying so would be Obama whining and blaming it on the last guy. AND WE CAN’T HAVE THAT.

In fact, it’s OBAMA’S IRAQ WAR. And OBAMA’S AFGHANISTAN WAR. And OBAMA’S PENIS BAILOUT. And OBAMA’S NOBEL PEACE PENIS.

Er, scratch that last one. Anyway, if you had any doubts, and by now you shouldn’t, the New York Times, the supposed bastion of liberalism, the commie hotbed, the Stalinist radical left-wing New York Times, is essentially spouting the same penis as FOX News, only dressed up in less inflammatory language.

So here’s the continuum of debate in God’s America: the fringe whacko Republicans (and they’re all fringe whackos now, or targets of the teabaggers if they’re not) and their proxy, FOX News, rage about the penis deficit on the one side, while the New York Times…rages (politely) about the penis deficit on the other.

Or, to put it another way, the Democrats are just to the left of Hitler, while the Republicans are just to the…left of Hitler.

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