The destruction, desecration and disintegration of Russia by The West is complete. Russians celebrated McDonald’s 20th birthday in Russia yesterday, presumably by downing 30-odd shots of vodka, eating 12 Big Macs and fries, then throwing it up all over themselves in their decrepit Soviet-era flat at 2am.

The sage New York Times claims that “McDonald’s is always a good lens through which to view the 118 or so countries where it operates.” If it’s a fisheye lens that makes everyone look like overweight rednecks, they didn’t add.

Despite Tom Friedman’s “suck on this” worship at the altar of Butter McCheese, this is hardly a milestone worth celebrating. Despite the old adage that anything in moderation is OK, or whatever, the beef tallow-soaked french fries or bizarre “eggamuffin” that requires you to be up by 10:30am (who gets up that early?) are hardly models of good nutrition.

Nevertheless, your Shorts&Pants correspondent, who sleeps late because it’s easier on his constitution, joins our Russian friends in their celebration. Now that they’ve been raped by the IMF and fattened up by McDonald’s, it’s only a matter of time before God’s America invades and liberates Ivan. But will he greet us as liberators? The fuck he will, ingrate.

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