Governor Howdy Doody of Virginia, who took office all of 12 days ago, gave the Republican response to President Obama’s State of the Union clapfest last night from the Virginia House chamber.
Surrounded by sycophants, including one token Asian and one token African-American, whose on-cue applause was even more irritating and false than that for Obama, Bumpkin Bob McDonnell delivered snooze-worthy, dissembling platitudes with a dopey smile pasted on his face.
Governor Gomer looked like a Nebraska corn farmer who’d won a raffle to host his very own Hollywood game show.
Playing for laughs, he opened by saying “my twin 18-year old boys have added to the pressure, by giving me exactly ten minutes to finish before they leave to go watch SportsCenter.” Haw hee haw yuck yuck!
It went downhill from there.
Where he couldn’t be laughably disingenuous he just outright lied. It was a performance devoid of all color and life. So naturally you’ll want to enjoy the highlights from Dipshit McGee’s smiling robot impersonation. They work best when delivered in a fake folksy monotone.
1 in 10 American workers is unemployed. That is unacceptable.
All Americans should have the opportunity to find and keep meaningful work.
We must enact policies that promote entrepreneurship and innovation, so America can better compete with the world.
We want results, not rhetoric. We want cooperation, not partisanship.
(M)ost Americans do not want to turn over the best medical care system in the world to the federal government.
All Americans agree, this nation must become more energy independent and secure.
Now is the time to adopt innovative energy policies that create jobs and lower energy prices.
A child’s educational opportunity should be determined by her intellect and work ethic, not by her zip code.
All Americans agree, we must maintain a strong national defense.
America will always blaze the trail of opportunity and prosperity.
Now, we should pledge as Democrats, Republicans and Independents — Americans all — to work together to leave this nation a better place than we found it.
It was nice that last night’s representative of the the Party of No threw in that “we want cooperation, not partisanship.” And that he apparently has never heard of Europe, since he thinks God’s America has “the best medical care system in the world.”
Nor did he consult your Shorts&Pants correspondent before claiming that “all Americans agree we must maintain a strong national defense.” I don’t.
Nevertheless, Shorts&Pants thanks Wooden Bob for his contribution. He didn’t come off as a complete idiot like Louisiana governor Bobby Jindal, whose presidential prospects died the moment he opened his mouth a year ago.
But to call this guy presidential material after 11 days in office insults the reigning Republican king of monotony and tedium, Mitt “who let the dogs out” Romney. Because if this dork is the future of the opposition party, President Obama can fuck up ten ways from Sunday and still sleep easy.
That’s not an accurate representation of Gov. McDonnell. A more realistic image would have the red bandana wrapped around his right arm or in his back pocket (you San Franciscans know what that means, right? I don’t, but I know it means something gay).
He ain’t no Bobby Jindal.
You gatta love the way that he knows what all Americans want. I’m always surprised if I can get a group of any size to all agree about anything.
A child’s educational opportunity should be determined by her intellect and work ethic, not by her zip code.
I believe that’s a shout-out to the southern wacko wing of his party.
yeah that guy was corny “my father said son, if you get a good education you’ll get a better job. and he was right” wow your dad was just a geyser of folksy wisdom
A child’s educational opportunity blah blah blah
Educational opportunity is purely a function of socio-economic class. Except perhaps in the Scandinavian countries. Where everyone is middle class anyway.
The most boring collection of non sequitur banalities since the last Republican ‘response.’