Alright, religious people— enough is enough. We’ve been poking fun about this Christmas stuff for awhile, but you are getting a little bit insane. Are Christians experiencing a rare sort of paranoia? Everything is “THEY ARE TRYING TO GET US” and “BEING CHRISTIAN IS LIKE BEING BLACK.” Now it’s “if you don’t indoctrinate children to sing Christmas carols in schools, you are not only Satan— but will be given a hefty fine for being Satan.”

Yes, this new initiative is a real hoot, and it’s all being organized by a nice lady named Merry Hyatt. We do not know what else Merry has done— but she sure is Merry (CHRISTMAS, THAT IS).

Hyatt, who moved to Redding four months ago, said she joined the Redding Tea Party Patriots and recruited several members to help her collect the 433,971 signatures needed by March 29.

Good for you, Merry! Just why are you gathering these signatures?

The initiative would require schools to provide children the opportunity to listen to or perform Christmas carols, and would subject the schools to litigation if the rule isn’t followed.

What? Holy shit! NO NO NO! What are you doing, Merry? STOP THAT.

It appears that the whole idea behind Tea Party slobs previous platform of “keeping the government out of our lives” has been replaced with “getting fundamentalist whack jobs’ mandates into your lives,” which is just swell.

Hyatt, a substitute teacher who moved to Redding from Riverside, said her motivation for the initiative was to help restore children’s moral compasses by inviting Jesus to school Christmas parties.

Isn’t this all just awful? NO IT IS NOT AWFUL. Jesus wants to come to your Christmas parties. He will probably drink all the egg nog and make out with your sister— which is why he’s always the center of attention.

Unfortunately for Merry, Jesus probably wont be invited:

“In the unlikely event she got enough signatures to put it on the ballot and the even more unlikely event California passed it, it would be struck down by the courts,” Boston said. “The courts have been very clear that public schools aren’t supposed to be in the business of promoting or advocating religion.”

Oh thank Jesus (ironic?) for that. There is nothing more unconstitutional then what Merry is promoting. After all, it makes the Patriot Act look like the First Amendment. MERRY IS FIGHTING BACK THOUGH— with words.

“He’s the prince of peace; he’s the only one who can get these kids to stop being so violent,” she said in November.

Oh, yes Merry. “These kids” will stop being so violent with the Jesus. Thank you Merry. Thank you so very much.

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