Hello, Shorts and Pants readers! It’s pantspantspants (aka Ben), your least favorite commenter from Wonkette, the website that makes the Internet smarter. I don’t mean to “toot my own tooter” or anything, but I was a “star commenter” over there—well, at least I was back in the day when Wonkette was owned by Gawker and its editors ate foie gras and filet mignon three meals a day!
Unfortunately, due to the recession and our MUSLIN President, website editors worldwide are overdosing on Ramen noodles and dirty river water and are having trouble making ends meet. I include my editors in this generalization, of course, which is why I have volunteered to write for this website. (Actually, I forced myself upon it like a Republican Senator on a male page, but who needs the truth to get in the way?)
I can’t predict what gems of wisdom I will contribute to the diamond tiara of snarky political blogs. In the meantime, I’m proud to announce my newest idea to generate millions of (Zimbabwean) dollars’ worth of revenue for Shorts and Pants: Your Daily Malkin.
Yes, that’s right: every day, or whenever, I will scour Primo Wingnut Michelle “Shelly” Malkin’s website searching for words of wisdom and gathering those words into a pile of ping-pong balls of GENIUS. Below the fold, please see today’s installment.
So, yesterday was Earth Day, right? Well, in a slap in the face of global warming, it also happens to have been The Day That Hell Froze Over. As evidence, please note this line from Michelle Malkin’s piece about the suicide of Freddie Mac CEO David Kellerman:
Until the police or Kellerman family say more, I’d rather not listen to babbling about “econocide” and Vince Foster paranoia.
That’s right, folks: Michelle Malkin is urging her readers not to resort to conspiracy theories or Clinton baiting or to babble about “econocide,” which I think is the name of Ford’s new minivan. Instead, she is urging her readers to stay calm and not to make any irrational judgments. Has Michelle Malkin become the Ghandi of the Right?
We report, you decide!
Please make the Daily Malkin segment later in the day. I haven’t had my breakfast yet and it’s too early to start drinking.
Chas, it’s 3:29 A.M. in Sydney. It’s last call—drink up!
The link is, uh, broken. I believe this one is correct.
http://michellemalkin.com/2009/04/22/a-few-words-about-the-freddie-mac-cfo-suicide/
Just goes to show, though, that even a blind pig finds a few acorns.
I fixed the link, Patton, thanks to you. Only if we all WORK TOGETHER will we be able to defeat the TERRORIST MUSLIN PRESIDENT BARRY HUSSIEN O’BOMBER.
Don’t you have young minds to corrupt or something? I think ours are warped enough already, “Ben.”
Hey, I was done with teaching FOR THE DAY at 1:20. Now I just have to go watch the sixth grade science class demonstrate their “robots” at the Science Fair. I may run through the halls screaming, “The robots are coming! The robots are coming!” That would be funny.
speaking of which…
http://www.robotcombat.com/video_oldglory_hi.html
Dear LoquaciousMusic (if that is your real name,)
I am totally down with the daily malkin thingy, but please please please dear lego jesus in hevin i beg you do not post a phot of her daily as well in addition to also, especially not the one here. Oh my god that woman is vile, and vile-looking. I realize some (wingtards) may find her attractive, but those people are also mentally ill, and since when did society cater to the mentally ill? Not since before Reagan, I’d say.
Also, I find her so disgustingly vile and blehhhhh *shudder* that I would kill michelle malkin. If it were legal. And she was right in front of me, and already half dead and there was like a button I had to press that would make her all the way dead. I’m not really a killer, but I’d do that to michelle malkin. She is nasty, brutish and her cooter probably smells bad, too. From never being washed.
I’m down with this… but only if we ACTUALLY turn into a drinking game… It will keep Ben happy, it make “that thing” more attractive to Hobo and I’m just an alcoholic.. so it’s win all around…
what say you?
I am so down for making this into a drinking game. The other day, my friends and I found a board drinking game called “Pass-Out” in the trash, and we played it, so my standards aren’t too high.
Also, HoboSpaceJunkie (or HOBOFAGGOT!, as his friends call him – coincidence? I think not) is totes gay. Malkin may be a very ugly person, but I would totally hate-fuck her. Coulter is revolting and Bachmann is horrid, but Malkin is at least physically attractive.
We’re on…
Brendan you get to set the rules (I’m way to “drunk” to do this right now… ) and I’m off to get some more booze.
BTW, I’d totally fuck Malkin!!
[Blasphemy Alert]
I’d even cuddle to guarantee an extra morning/goodbye/go to hell/ fuck
ZOMG you guys are sick! Malkin looks like a fuckin’ peekachu character. Whatevs. Michelle Bachman is the real sauce, my friends. And one day she will be mine. Oh yes, she will be mine.
I can only imagine what alternative paths Malkin could have found in 1992. She had some very valuable options back but unfortunately she’s ‘ho’ed herself out to the GOP